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#1
god I bet it felt amazing for the tin man to have his joints oiled. Would love for that to happen for me
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) March 25, 2024
#2
“good things come to those who wait” ok how long exactly
— trash jones (@jzux) March 15, 2024
#3
Me, shopping for other people: Wow, this jacket would be perfect for me.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 25, 2023
#4
Pulling my phone up off the floor by the phone charger is the closest I’ll ever come to fishing.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) March 25, 2024
#5
In my 20s: looking for clothes and other things to make me look cool.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 25, 2024
In my 40s: looking for anything to make me feel like I'm not dying.
#6
My ten year plan is basically to survive and hope for the best
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) March 26, 2024
#7
No one warned me about the secret boss level of parenting in which you have to parent your own parents
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 24, 2024
#8
I’m a good friend to have.
— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) March 26, 2024
If you cancel plans, you can rest assured that I will never try to convince you otherwise.
#9
me: hey how do I move this bullet point over
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 10, 2024
internet: here's a video about how to do it
me: can you just tell me in like 2 sentences
internet: WATCH A VIDEO
#10
We had a bug in the car and now we can’t find it. So, naturally, my daughter is never riding in that car again
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 26, 2024
#11
I love how coffee tricks you into thinking you’re in a decent mood for like 30 minutes
— LorazeKim ™ 🏴☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁 (@_KimberleyAnna) March 24, 2024
#12
My family needs a movie where they just introduce every character and then give us 10 minutes so we can look up where we know the actors from.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 27, 2024
#13
the mission isn’t impossible if tom cruise has done eight already.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) March 26, 2024
#14
Ibuprofen my old friend,
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) March 26, 2024
It’s time to take you once again. 🎶
#15
*Moves vacuum from closet to hallway*
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 26, 2024
“That’s enough spring cleaning for today.”
#16
My daughter told her friends that her dad is so old he grew up in the late 1900s and y’all I just can’t.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) March 26, 2024
#17
Hear me out, a common sense coach…
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) March 26, 2024
