Pro tip, meal prepping is a great way to ensure that you always have food that is cold, a little old, and not what you’re in the mood for

— Pamela J. Hobart (@amelapay) April 15, 2024

looove the snacks they sell at marshalls, home goods, tj maxx etc…….. no way to tell if they’re 5 years old or discontinued or a fake brand made from the remnants of scraps on the factory floor

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) April 17, 2024

Got flagged by airport security because my son had a Magic 8 Ball in his backpack. Two TSA agents debated whether it was ok. My husband said, “If only we had a simple way to answer a yes or no question…” Crickets.

— J. Courtney Sullivan (@jcourtsull) April 20, 2024

I hate when doctors knock before they come in. Like what do you want me to say “who is it?”

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) March 5, 2024

I think I’m pretty smart until I’m asked to tap to pay for something- here? where? here? do it again? did that work?

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 5, 2024

studying psychology is fun until one of the disorders starts to sound a little too familiar

— ninya (@psychtwts) April 17, 2024

Why does a can of biscuits open like that. Is life not scary enough

— Tina Sieben (@wnbawife) March 5, 2024

I no longer dislike Mondays, i’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

— Jenni (@hashjenni) March 17, 2024

[goes camping]

Ahh yes I think I’ll go live worse than I normally do.

— Syrup Tishus (@Syrup_Tishus) April 17, 2024

girls will be like “this is my comfort show” and it’s a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

— nay (dino) 🖤 (@Lilblack_heart) April 15, 2024

They just called for “Jennifer” three times in the waiting room, and I have anxiety so there was a second where I wondered if my name was actually Jennifer

— angela “turns pastors into poets” weiler-hammond (@AngelaEWeiler) March 4, 2024

Having a dramatic falling out with somebody is so embarrassing .. people will be like “what happened” and now you have to sound like a 7-year-old

— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) March 4, 2024

Me as a kid: I can handle anything that comes my way!

Me as an adult: I hurt myself sneezing and they rearranged my grocery store. I don’t think I can go on.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 5, 2024

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be in the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

— Fran (@whingewine) March 5, 2024

Fridge ice dispenser- when you want some ice in your cup but also some on the floor

— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) March 4, 2024

Autocorrect just turned “Think of others for a change” into “Think of otters for a change”, and now I agree that’s a better solution.

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) March 4, 2024

She died doing what she loved. Walking into the road while saying "Pedestrians have right of way"

— 🍃 (@cardamomkiss) March 6, 2024