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#1
Forget Waldo, try looking for your glasses without your glasses.
— Maddie! 🤷🏻♀️ (@MadHatterMommy) June 16, 2024
#2
I can’t believe before I had kids I just got in bed at night and was like “this is definitely what I’ll be doing until I wake up in the morning”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 18, 2024
#3
My wife does this neat magic trick where she turns my paycheck into a bunch of shit we don’t need from Amazon.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) June 17, 2024
#4
I made a pizza using fat-free cheese so if anybody wants to try some pizza made with fat-free cheese it’s in my trash.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 17, 2024
#5
What a gorgeous day it is today! It’s beautiful outside!
— Stacey (@skittle624) June 17, 2024
Think I’ll lie down on the couch.
#6
my 13yo stepdaughter just said, "remember when the night before vacation you would have all the suitcases packed and in the car and the house totally clean and we would wake up and you'd have breakfast ready for me and we'd leave? but now we have extra children."
— emily may (@emilykmay) June 17, 2024
#7
“I ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING IN THIS DAMN HOUSE” pic.twitter.com/wd166Ad3jf
— Why you should have a cat (@ShouldHaveCat) June 17, 2024
#8
there’s no way i could live my life as salma hayek and not take advantage of selling kayaks.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) June 16, 2024
#9
Do you think Medusa ever put her snakes up in a messy bun?
— Trad Bog Hag Jess (@BogHagJess) June 16, 2024
#10
Sat in the waiting room at the vet and a lady just came walking in and goes “oh fuck, I’ve left the dog at home” 😂😂
— Nicholas Mullan (@NicholasMullan_) June 17, 2024
#11
Friend: how tall are you?
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) June 17, 2024
Me: 5’3” but I have the rage of someone much, much taller
#12
Good news! I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 17, 2024
#13
Friend: remember when we used to buy ringtones?
— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) June 17, 2024
Me: I’ve had my phone on silent for the past 10 years
#14
My boys were bickering in the grocery store checkout line, so I separated them using the conveyor belt divider thingy.
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) June 14, 2024
Follow me for more parenting tips.
#15
No one told me that having a gymnastics kid meant I'd have to watch 2,531 flips everyday of my life now. send help.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 15, 2024
#16
I don't mean to brag, but I can make him laugh, turn him on & piss him off all in one day
— Manders 🌻 (@SunflowerGpsy) June 17, 2024
#17
My teenage niece and nephew refer to everything before the year 2000 as “the 1900’s” and, while technically correct, it still makes me want to slap them.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 17, 2024
