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#1
Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) June 8, 2022
#2
DATING: i can’t believe we have so much in common
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 7, 2022
MARRIAGE: please don’t watch your stuff under my netflix profile
#3
My husband asked if I wanted to do something fun today so I left him home with the kids.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 19, 2022
Marriage is easy.
#4
How dare my husband interrupt the story I decided to tell in the middle of his story
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) September 29, 2022
#5
I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) November 15, 2022
#6
it's with a heavy heart i announce that, after 12 years of marriage, my partner and i have decided that it's better for both of us if we don't attend any of your holiday parties
— Sam Reich (@samreich) November 16, 2022
#7
My poor husband. It must be bloody awful to have a condition that apparently stops him from being able to shut a cupboard door after he’s opened it.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 10, 2022
#8
Car trips with my wife are great ‘cause I get to listen to 10 seconds each of 400 songs she hates.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 15, 2022
#9
Dads, it finally happened!
— TwinzerDad🌻🇺🇦 (@TwinzerDad) September 8, 2022
My wife needed two cables today and I went to my box of random old cables and immediately found them!
Bask in this moment of validation, fellas. This is for all of us!
#10
Marriage involves a lot more shouting “I’M IN THE BATHROOM” than I originally thought.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 19, 2022
#11
Get married so you can argue over who had a worse night sleep.
— Karen (@AntsyButterfly) September 22, 2022
#12
One of the perks of marriage is having someone around to let you know which normal things from your childhood were actually very very weird
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 15, 2022
#13
40% of my wife and I's conversations go like this:
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 4, 2022
me: what?
wife: i was talking to the dog
#14
Marriage is telling your spouse you heard about a cool new restaurant on a Monday only for them to repeat to you on a Friday “there’s this cool new restaurant I just heard about”
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) October 13, 2022
#15
Some couples exercise together.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 7, 2022
My wife and I send each other articles when we're sitting in the same room.
#16
Been listening to my wife talk about her work drama and I’m trying to think of the best way to let her know I love her but I think I’m on Denise’s side on this one.
— The Dad (@thedad) October 18, 2022
#17
Marriage is amazing because you learn lots of things about yourself. For example, today I learned that my favorite shade of beige curtains is I DON’T CARE PLEASE JUST PICK ONE I’M IN HELL
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 15, 2022
#18
My husband said he’s taking me somewhere next weekend but won’t tell me where & I just thought I should publicly document this because it sounds like the beginning of a Dateline episode.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 24, 2022
#19
Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We've narrowed it down to "It doesn't matter" and "It's your turn to choose".
— Suppose She's A Wildflower (@_SouthernMama) May 25, 2022
#20
yeah i sleep with a white noise machine ive been married to him for almost 11 years
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 31, 2022
#21
You can either have a good day or your husband can put a bookshelf together, you cannot have both
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 5, 2022
#22
You can tell your Husband exactly where to go in your purse, and He will bring the entire purse back to you. 🤣😂😅
— Sheri Wilkinson💙 (@SheriAWilkinson) January 8, 2022
#23
Me: I no longer wish to be contacted, can you please take me off your call list?
— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 10, 2022
Wife: please stop answering the phone like that when I call you
#24
My husband just called and the first thing he said was “YOU ARE ON SPEAKER.” 5 times 😭😭😭
— Chubby wubby (@CheriFlavour) February 18, 2022
#25
Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 24, 2022
