Call me old-fashioned but I don’t need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 23, 2023

Being an adult nearing my 40s is cool because there's no one stopping me from having cupcakes for dinner but then if I sleep with my neck 0.2mm out of alignment I'm incapacitated for days.

— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) February 23, 2023

My son got his soccer ball stuck in our tree so I remedied the situation by getting 3 of my husband’s shoes stuck in the tree instead…

Teamwork makes the dreamwork

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) February 23, 2023

You really gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 with a 62

— Somewhat Damaged (@SomewhatDamag3d) February 22, 2023

I wasn’t prepared for the amount of hate my daughter would have for her hair

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 22, 2023

Funny how everyone knows where to go to get the scissors but no one knows where to put the scissors when they’re done.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 23, 2023

Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said “it means you can go ahead of me” so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 23, 2023

The only thing worse than listening to your kid watch a YouTuber is listening to both of your kids simultaneously watching two different YouTubers.

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) February 23, 2023

I motivate my child to do her homework by bribing her with pizza. Follow me for more questionable parenting tips

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) February 23, 2023

My 11 y/o daughter just read a children’s book about the Great Depression and would like the record to reflect that she felt cheated because “there was nothing ‘Great’ about it.”

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) February 23, 2023

Teens be like, "I don't care if I like what you said, I'm still gonna sigh heavily and roll my eyes."

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 23, 2023

I told my kids they were trying to kill me by giving me the never ending flu to which my 4yo replied "What's taking so long?!"

— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) February 22, 2023

We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didn’t get bored

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 22, 2023

Wife: *Gives me her password to log into one of her accounts*

Me: Nice work with picking a random password.

Wife: It’s our anniversary.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 22, 2023

Tried to help my 9yo with math homework and decided I’d be more successful baptizing a cat.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) February 21, 2023