I don’t sit on the floor without a detailed plan on how to get back up

— Midge (@mxmclain) March 17, 2023

Hear me out: a kids night light that gently tazes them if they get out of bed before 7am.

— PieGuy (@ilovepie84) March 14, 2023

I'm sitting in the lobby at the DMV right now, and I would like to know what I did in a previous life to have this guy sitting next to me take his shoes off and pick at his toes.

I'm guessing it was absolutely horrible.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) March 15, 2023

they should hide prizes in more boxes than just cereal, I’d love to reach into my laundry detergent and find a colour changing spoon

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 14, 2023

I’m in that magical stage of parenting where I don’t need to change diapers or carry baby gear but I also don’t have to deal with teenage problems yet and my kids still think I’m smart and funny…how do I stay here???

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 13, 2023

"UGH WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SMELL?!" my 6yo yells as she walks into the kitchen.

My cooking. The smell was my cooking.

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 15, 2023

5yo was on the iPad and found his way to Amazon.

Calling from the other room: “Hey Mama, can I press ‘buy now’? This is only $390.”

In other news, I set a new sprint record.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 18, 2023

We are out of ibuprofen so I gave my husband 2 brown m&ms hoping he won’t notice

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) March 18, 2023

Found my 4yo sobbing in her room about not wanting to grow up & 7yo upset that she had feet like her dad, so my beer light is on early today

— Draggin Father Behind (@DragginFatherB) March 17, 2023

My husband’s favorite time to ask me a question is when I’m upstairs and can’t hear a word he’s saying.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 16, 2023

The only thing worse than sitting on a freezing cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 16, 2023

i consider myself pretty smart but i do not understand how an easy bake oven makes a cake using a lightbulb.

— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) March 15, 2023

I love my in laws but sometimes it’s hard with the language barrier, like today they said they were taking the kids all day and I thought they meant they were taking the kids all day

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 15, 2023