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#1
“It looks like you’re in the middle of a workout.”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) February 1, 2024
- My passive-aggressive Apple Watch as I walk across a parking lot to my car
#2
Things which last only 3 days
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 1, 2024
3. Avocados
2. Bananas
1. My kid’s new shoes
#3
My FIL found my husband’s childhood trumpet and then asked my 5yo if he wanted it. I don’t know what I did for that man to hate me so much, but apparently it was pretty bad.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) January 27, 2024
#4
Mr. Rogers led me to believe I’d like my neighbours way more than I do
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 1, 2024
#5
I don’t know why these at-home workouts aren’t working yet, I watch like 6 of these videos a day
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) January 28, 2024
#6
[First day in Hell]
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) January 28, 2024
Me: This is just a Trader Joe's parking lot.
Satan: Correct.
#7
every girl is defined by their one lost love. and by that i mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life
— emma lord (@dilemmalord) January 28, 2024
#8
I wonder how many times Mary and Joseph were late for temple because toddler Jesus wanted to do his sandal straps all by himself?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 28, 2024
#9
My daughter asked me if tv was in black and white when I was born in the 1900s so if anyone needs her she’ll be in her room til June.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 1, 2024
#10
now that rival dad next door & fam is moving, we really need to welcome whoever the new neighbors will be and make good friends because that house has a pool and i want to swim this summer.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 1, 2024
#11
Parenting means your recycle bin is a 50/50 split of cereal boxes and liquor bottles.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 31, 2024
#12
I can't believe there was a time I was upset when someone told me I had to go to bed.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 31, 2024
#13
My son texted me this morning and told me he had left his laptop behind. I replied, “Too bad. Learn some responsibility.” And then we laughed and laughed and I got into the car and dropped it off at the school for him.
— Taco Ma BG (@bgschnikelfritz) January 31, 2024
#14
Shout-out to all the introverts who turn their social anxiety off when they are forced to enter *work mode*
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 30, 2024
#15
*Gets a text at 6:30 PM*
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) January 31, 2024
Me: Who would be texting this late?
#16
Remember when we didn’t have google and you just had to trust whatever your parents said
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 31, 2024
#17
My 2yo: “I won’t do it again.”
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 29, 2024
Narrator: He did it again. Almost immediately.
#18
one time a therapist told me not to think those thoughts anymore and i was like you’re super bad at this.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) January 28, 2024
#19
Do you unload your dishwasher and simultaneously question your life choices? Like, how did we use 15 spoons in the last two days but no forks?
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) January 24, 2024
#20
[Angriest I've ever been in my life]: sure, that works!
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) February 1, 2024
#21
don’t talk to me until i’ve had my morning 300mg of caffeine on an empty stomach
— clare (@sadderlizards) February 1, 2024
#22
i’m 25, my knee 41, my shoulders 54, my back turns 72 tomorrow
— Chris Coro (@iamchriscoro) March 18, 2024
