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#1
Someone asked my daughter if she had a hobby and her answer was “just sitting”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 14, 2024
#2
why does my chipotle app need me to have a password with a capital letter and a number and a special character like this is not the department of defense i just want a burrito 😭
— emily (@emilykmay) May 11, 2024
#3
Shout out to the mom who signed up for napkins within seconds of the class end-of-year party list going live
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 11, 2024
#4
My 6yo was upset this morning but refused to talk about it. As she was being dropped off at school, she decided to speak up by saying and I quote, “I go to school too much, and it bothers me.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 15, 2024
#5
[talking to my married friend] so he’s just like, always there? in your house? and you don’t get sick of him?
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 14, 2024
#6
a netflix category where i can barely pay attention bc i’m on my phone doomscrolling and still understand the plot.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) May 14, 2024
#7
Tonight I discovered that my daughter, who is 17, has lived her whole life believing that the name of the singer of The Rolling Stones is McJagger.
— Oliver Jones (@oliverjones) May 16, 2024
#8
They need to do a cooking show where there are two people in the kitchen, but only one of them is cooking & the other is just making cooking difficult.
— Adam (@YSylon) May 17, 2024
#9
I didn't feel like cooking, so I told my husband the water will be off in our building until 8:00 PM, so we’ll have to go out to dinner tonight. Lies are totally acceptable when they include margaritas.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) May 14, 2024
#10
There are two types of people in this world — those who see this & think “trash” & those who think “banana bread” — & they marry each other. pic.twitter.com/sZrb6T2XMn
— Michelle Strowhiro (@strowhiro) May 13, 2024
#11
My mom said my kids are on their screens too much so I locked her outside til the streetlights turned on and told her if she’s thirsty she can drink from the hose.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 15, 2024
#12
My boys are back from college and it's nice to have no food or hot water in the house and a clogged toilet at least once daily.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 14, 2024
#13
“You’re not entirely wrong.”
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) May 14, 2024
- Me refusing to admit my husband was right
#14
I’m watching Beetlejuice in Spanish because I left the remote in the other room.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) May 15, 2024
#15
My husband, describing our fixer upper, “when it’s raining outside the house, it’s also raining inside the house.”
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) May 15, 2024
#16
To the mom who put kazoos in the birthday bags your daughter handed out in my son's class: What did I ever do to you?
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 14, 2024
#17
Sometimes I leave pans soaking in the sink because I'm hoping that the dish fairy is real.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) May 13, 2024
#18
I had no idea of the importance that having a good heating pad would play in my life until I got married and had three daughters
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) May 13, 2024
