My daughter and I were at TJ Maxx and they had one carry-on bag exactly like one I owned. I picked it up and began showing her all the cool features and said, “You should buy this. I’ve never regretted buying this bag. It’s one of my best purchases.” She said, “I’ll think about…

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 5, 2024

Imagine you just ate 40 hot dogs in 12 minutes and don’t win and now you just have that in you for the rest of the day for nothing

— Buff (@trav__xxx) July 4, 2024

It should be a law that if a holiday falls on a Thursday, then Friday is automatically a day off

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 5, 2024

Being an adult is just a constant series of idk, idc, and lots of wtf.

— Forward March (@RunOldMan) July 5, 2024

hey wanna come over? I cant get myself to clean my apartment without the looming shame of someone seeing its current state

— Iris 💫 (@Jest_Iris) July 3, 2024

Places my kid likes to lay down:

His bed: ❌

Floor of the Walmart bathroom: ✅

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) July 1, 2024

My job's cybersecurity training said to "never assume a connection is real" and I was like I'm WAY ahead of you, pal

— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) July 3, 2024

My mom asked what my office does for faxing since we're completely remote, so I had to tell her we're actually located in 2024

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 3, 2024

“you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”

ok thats actually my favorite thing to do

— erica (@ericanextdooor) July 1, 2024

I wish there were technology that let you pay based on salary. Like this coffee is $2 for me and $20,000 for a Kardashian.

— 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓 𝖋𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖍 (@frigginfrench) July 1, 2024

My 5yo was trying to convince me to do something and said “if you don’t do it I’m gonna go to my room and go to sleep!” Not the threat she thought it was

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) July 2, 2024

A gender reveal but it’s me and my husband opening up the speed trap camera ticket to see who was behind the wheel

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) July 5, 2024

went out with a guy and texted him in advance telling him i was wearing heels and that i didn’t want to walk too far and he shows up and the first thing he says to me is “THOSE AREN’T HEELS THOSE ARE WEDGES” ok diva my bad 😭😭😭😭

— bella ☭ (@bellanati0n) June 29, 2024

My daughter ate a peach earlier at my parents house and has now been crying for them so my husband just went to the store to solely get peaches…

What are the odds she wants nothing to do with peaches when he gets back????

— Kayla, MD (@kaylamellis_) June 29, 2024

Before my parents married, my mom got cold feet because she couldn’t cook. She said one night, “It will never work. I can’t cook!!”

My Greek dad said calmly, “You can cook five things, no?”
Mom, “Yeah..”
Dad, “Great, we’ll go out to dinner on weekends.”

— Jennifer Begakis (@jenbegakis) July 5, 2024

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often

— Spa Owner (@EmaniMone) July 3, 2024