My favorite summer activity is called “friends with pools who live within a 5-mile radius.”

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 26, 2024

My teen said he knows he has a lot of things to do, but it’s summer vacation and he “prefers to ease into his day.”

It’s 3pm.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) June 24, 2024

My son’s new landlord asked if I wanted a key to the house he will be sharing with three other 19 year old boys and I’ve never wanted anything less in my entire life.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) June 22, 2024

I can't be the only one who, when my dog is curled up beside me, try to explain to them the reason I'm getting up and that I'll be right back and not to move?

— Eric Alper 🎧 (@ThatEricAlper) June 27, 2024

I’m at the age where if I see a chair 🪑 I’m gone take me a lil seat.

— Lavion (@Cantstyle) June 26, 2024

my toxic trait is thinking i’m one little treat away from all my problems being solved

— Adam (@adamgreattweet) June 25, 2024

woegurt pic.twitter.com/2aJJfWD8eo

— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) June 27, 2024

I’m so old, I remember when social media was a just fun little experiment to connect with former classmates, and now it’s a full blown dystopian nightmare.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 25, 2024

“wow,” said the two-year-old neighbor boy petting one of our cats for the first time, “there are bones in here”

— rachelle toarmino (@rchlltrmn) June 23, 2024

To the human who added coffee to the word cake justifying the eating of cake for breakfast I salute you unnamed hero

— LorazeKim ™ 🏴‍☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁 (@_KimberleyAnna) June 26, 2024

me: [jumping on the trampoline]

9: hey dad can you land on your back and stand back up?!

me: yea! I used to do that all the time! Here we go!

Narrator: he in fact could not. He felt as though all his organs hit his spine and every breath he had was knocked out upon impact.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 24, 2024

My husband found a deal on golf shoes from a Facebook ad. He was so excited bc they were so cheap. He said, “Can you BELIEVE this price?” I said, “You have to be careful of those ads, a lot are scams.”

That conversation was 8 months ago and those shoes are still in transit.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 28, 2024

My 6yo brought home a big rock from the park and asked for a hammer so he could check it for diamonds, so there's my retirement plan

— meghan (@deloisivete) June 28, 2024

*7yo plucks a sesame seed off his hamburger bun.*

7yo: If I plant this, will it grow a burger?

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 24, 2024

Interesting how my kids get through a 7 hour school day with one snack and one lunch but when they're home for the summer they will die if they go longer than 20 minutes without eating something

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 23, 2024

Please hesitate to reach out to me.

— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) June 26, 2024

My daughter asking who left the cap off the glue like she thinks I sit around crafting and shit while she’s at camp.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) June 25, 2024