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#1
wish I was one of those weirdos who likes to go for a run when they’re upset
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) June 9, 2024
#2
My daughter wanted to go to the park and I really didn’t feel like it so she said “you could bring your new book and sit in the sun” and now we’re at the park
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 8, 2024
#3
Age 25: I need cute shoes for this event.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 26, 2024
Age 45: I need cute shoes for this event that I can also wear to work and walk several miles in, don’t make me look old or like I’m trying too hard, won’t hurt my little toe or lower back, will last a minimum of 10 years & are on sale.
#4
The cruelest prank on mankind was making bumblebees look so huggable and fluffy but with a poison butt sword.
— Alison the Read (@alisontheread) April 25, 2024
#5
i think jobs should have 30 minutes of silent reading time every day after lunch just like fifth grade did
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) March 25, 2024
#6
All this time I thought I was a good person but how I react to slow walkers in front of me would really suggest that I’m absolutely not a good person
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) April 25, 2024
#7
crazy how seeing a cyber truck in person will ruin your whole day
— mariaa (@MariaZaoutis) June 3, 2024
#8
feel bad for laughing, feel worse for taking a photo, but here we are and there it goes pic.twitter.com/kMwZETmqBp
— Natalie V Dávila (@natalievdavila) April 23, 2024
#9
My friend went out with a guy who works at Trader Joe’s and when she mentioned she likes the new brookie caramel candy clusters he said he didn’t want to talk about work 😅
— Jenée (@jdesmondharris) March 24, 2024
#10
If by “meal planning” you mean grilled cheese for dinner every day, then yes, I do meal plan.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) May 15, 2024
#11
Dress codes should just be broken down into "Jeans Okay" or "Jeans Not Okay." This is all the information I need.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 14, 2024
#12
made my therapist laugh until she had tears in her eyes & fell out of the zoom frame nothing can stop me now i am her favorite this is what peak performance looks like i have won all of therapy
— sarah rose etter (@sarahroseetter) June 4, 2024
#13
Hobbies including buying things online I don’t need or that don’t fit, returning them for a refund, and convincing myself I’ve made extra money.
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) June 10, 2024
#14
Hate when the person sitting next to me on the subway notices me shamelessly reading their texts and starts tilting it out of my view like c’mon lemme have a lil read it’s just me c’mon who am I gonna tell it’s only me
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) June 4, 2024
#15
i'll say shit like "sorry haha i was going through it back then" as if there has ever been a single point in my entire life where i was not going through it
— aphrodite ♡︎ (@mujhemaardo) May 14, 2024
#16
Apple finally adding a “send later” option for iMessage is a remarkable W for people like me who exclusively think of messages I need to send at 3:30 AM
— Zara Rahim (@ZaraRahim) June 10, 2024
#17
having to tell people your social battery is drained feels so embarrassing like sorry I’m really just tired because I spent too much time with people who love me and are fun and now I need to be alone
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) June 10, 2024
