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#1
Parenting is knowing not to mention the mere possibility of doing some awesomely exciting activity, unless you damn well intend for it to definitely occur
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) October 9, 2022
#2
I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022
#3
My 9 yo just came downstairs and said he and his 7yo brother were playing a game they called doggy style.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 18, 2022
They were dressing up our dog in different clothes. I almost died.
#4
Every invitation to a kid's birthday party should include a link to an Amazon gift registry with presents they actually want and a note stating if alcohol will be served.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 3, 2022
#5
Helpful literary criticism from my 6th grader: “If there’s a dog on the cover and the book has won an award, I won’t read it, because the dog definitely dies.”
— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) March 18, 2023
#6
My kid asked me to hold her ice cream without eating any and I was like, I love you kid but some lessons you have to learn the hard way
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 10, 2022
#7
My kid being mad that he got a $5 bill instead of a quarter from the tooth fairy is exactly why we won’t ever win the war against children
— 🤷🏼♀️Mommeh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) July 6, 2022
#8
The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 11, 2022
#9
I just watched my son get a knot out of his shoelace with the tine of a fork and then put it back in the silverware drawer and OMG! HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE DONE THIS?!
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) July 11, 2022
#10
My kids forgot who was counting in hide and seek, so they've both been hiding quietly for 5 minutes. I'm not even playing but I'm clearly the winner here
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 11, 2022
#11
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you're on a conference call and cry "I accidentally peed in the wrong place"
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 9, 2017
#12
Me: Our kids are finally at an age where we can sleep in on week-
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 5, 2018
Youth sports: Let me stop you right there.
#13
Me: Ohhhh sweetie, you have....
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2023
My teen: OMG! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!
Me, now whispering: ...your leggings on inside out, but please... go live your life.
#14
Raising teenagers makes raising a toddler look like the easiest time in my life. Sorry for the bad news, toddler parents.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 11, 2022
#15
Parenthood is mostly wanting to sleep. But before you can, you have to make sure other people who never want to sleep fall asleep.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) February 3, 2022
#16
My son's friend took out the garbage for me because he "noticed it was full."
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 1, 2022
Looks like I do have a favorite child.
#17
the day I’ve longed for since the FIRST DAY I became a parent is finally here!!!my daughter is old enough to go get me stuff from the other room
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 19, 2022
#18
Shout out to all the parents planning to take their toddler to a restaurant tonight hoping this time will be different.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 25, 2022
#19
Tried to complain to my mom about the difficulties of raising a stubborn child and her eyes rolled so far back in her head I don’t think they’re ever coming back
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 24, 2022
#20
I’m just a mom, standing in my kid’s room, asking why there are fruit snacks on the ceiling
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 26, 2022
#21
I cleaned out my teen's room and I found 8 plates, 21 utensils, a TV remote, 8 chapsticks, a burner phone and apparently we have a cat.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) April 23, 2022
#22
Apparently my kid got in trouble today for PACKING OUR TOASTER IN HIS BACKPACK and pulling it out at lunch to make pop tarts for his class. I can’t stop laughing.
— Elisa Stone Leahy (@ElisaStoneLeahy) April 13, 2022
#23
The hubs just took screen time away from our kids then said he was gonna go mow. Like hell, mf’er. I’m mowing now.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) April 19, 2022
#24
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if your 4yo goes walking by the room lugging a step stool nothing good is about to happen.
— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) April 5, 2022
#25
Today my 5 year-old asked me which solar system Planet Fitness was in, and I had to leave the room.
— 🍁Yukon Ghost (@GrahamKritzer) April 18, 2022
