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#1
I put silver bells on the door knobs and now when my toddler slams the door in a fit of rage, it's a cheerful, holiday fit of rage.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 28, 2016
#2
Financial tip: If you alienate everyone who loves you, the holidays get a lot cheaper.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 21, 2014
#3
Advent calendars are great for when you want your kids to have 24 more reasons to wake up before sunrise and ask for candy.
— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) December 1, 2016
#4
Me: How much for the holiday cheer?
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) November 28, 2016
Costco: That's vodka sir.
Me: Whatever, I'll take a case.
#5
Have kids so you can be done with your Christmas shopping & they can hand you their "updated" list which includes nothing you bought.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 19, 2017
#6
I hate when people ask me if I'm all ready for Christmas. No Susan. I'm not even ready for today.
— Christina the employed electrician (@cmstetz13) December 17, 2018
#7
I respect people who just toss their Christmas lights on the bushes and walk away, it’s like, you want lights? I’ll give you some fucking lights
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 15, 2022
#8
There should be an Uber for somebody to come over and wrap all your presents.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 23, 2017
#9
Christmas prep is like college finals week: late nights, massive carb consumption, & the panic of knowing I should have started much sooner.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 8, 2017
#10
Trying to remember where I hid all of my kids' gifts will be the real Christmas miracle.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 12, 2017
#11
The most unbelievable part of “The Night Before Christmas” is the part that describes the parents going to sleep: “Long winter’s nap,” my ass.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 24, 2017
#12
The adult version of Tetris is trying to fit all your Christmas decorations back in the boxes they came out of.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 30, 2017
#13
The prettier the Christmas lights on the outside, the more dysfunctional the family on the inside.
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) December 17, 2013
#14
Trusting my kids to pay no attention to the 84 empty Amazon boxes stacked in plain sight in the garage that showed up right before Christmas
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) December 25, 2013
#15
Christmas needs to slow tf down I only got 8 dollars
— Omar Ruiz (@Omarruizz10) November 13, 2022
#16
for 15 years we made fun of my dad for saying he wants a vacuum for christmas every year, but we finally got him a nice dyson and you know what? he’s walking around, vacuuming all every room, muttering “this is a game changer.” say what you will but the man knows what he wants
— it’s george 🇵🇸 (@magnuswlitb) December 25, 2021
#17
My mum just waited until the dog had walked out the room to tell me what she'd bought him for Christmas.
— Louise Haigh (@LouHaigh) December 23, 2021
#18
it's with a heavy heart i announce that, after 12 years of marriage, my partner and i have decided that it's better for both of us if we don't attend any of your holiday parties
— Sam Reich (@samreich) November 16, 2022
#19
One of my 4 nephews just brought me wine and said, "Here's your Christmas juice," and now he's the one I'm leaving everything to.
— Kendra Alvey 👻 (@Kendragarden) December 25, 2015
#20
Not right now, sweetie. Mommy's losing her shit trying to turn this house into a Winter Wonderland.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) November 27, 2016
#21
Everyone knows that a week before Christmas is the time that your child will ask for a present they have never mentioned before and you’ve absolutely not got
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) December 17, 2022
#22
It doesn't feel like I'm truly home for the holidays until I've taken my parents' phones and said "Here let me show you" at least 25 times.
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) December 19, 2016
#23
I've spent over 100 dollars on Christmas gifts for a kid that doesn't know the meaning of the words Christmas, gifts, 100, or dollars.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 14, 2015
#24
Funny how this Target cashier says "Merry Christmas" like she's not going to see me 50 more times between now & then.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 14, 2015
#25
My 6yo told me he’s going to be extra good until Christmas, so if you see me pushing the holiday back to January, mind your business.
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 18, 2021
