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#1
My wife called and asked me to get the chicken thighs out of the freezer. I told her we don’t have any chicken thighs in the freezer so she said she’d check when she gets home- your thoughts and prayers are appreciated
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) January 13, 2023
#2
I'm pretty pissed off my husband didn't respond to the text I forgot to send.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) January 8, 2023
#3
Me: Completely silent for an hour.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 10, 2023
Husband: *turns on the tv*
Me: Immediately asks him 20 questions.
#4
Me: Completely silent for an hour.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 10, 2023
Husband: *turns on the tv*
Me: Immediately asks him 20 questions.
#5
wife: could you clear the table?
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) January 8, 2023
me: ok but I'll need a running start
wife: what
#6
Had a runny nose while sitting in the hubby’s car so I did what any woman would do and went for the glove box…THERE. WERE. NO. NAPKINS.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) November 1, 2022
men are demons
#7
Wife, in the next room sends funny reel.
— Draggin Father Behind (@DragginFatherB) January 11, 2023
Me [texting]: LOL
Wife [texting back]: I didn’t hear you
#8
It's my birthday, I should do something.
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) October 31, 2022
My wife: Go to work, that's something.
#9
I sat in the bathroom at work for 10 minutes, just playing on my phone. I guess this is what being a husband feels like.
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) November 2, 2022
#10
marriage is between two people, one who falls asleep with TV volume on low and one who wants it blaringly loud
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) November 3, 2022
#11
Wife- I need to clean.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) November 2, 2022
Me- I can clean, let me do it.
Wife- No I want this place actually clean, not fake clean.
#12
If your wife uses "I" it means she will be doing something. "We" means you will be.
— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) November 17, 2022
#13
Marriage can be such a rollercoaster. One minute you're reminiscing over your wedding photos and the next you're asking your partner to please breathe more quietly.
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) November 16, 2022
#14
Married couples be like I’m gonna tolerate the shit out of you tonight
— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) November 16, 2022
#15
My husband decided to learn Moonlight Sonata on the piano and he’s been playing it nonstop for over two hours now. I think this is how true crime novels begin.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 11, 2022
#16
My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he'd accidentally hung it up.
— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) November 17, 2022
#17
marriage is hard work for example now there are two people who don't know what they want for lunch
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 18, 2022
#18
You think after 11 years of marriage you really know your spouse, and then last night I found out mine uses his notes app by keeping EVERYTHING - grocery lists, reminders, birthday present ideas - in ONE LONG NOTE
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 23, 2022
#19
I tried to say something supportive to my husband but it only freaked him out
— Midge (@mxmclain) October 18, 2022
#20
Autocorrect changed ‘spice things up’ to ‘slice things up’ and now my husband won’t come to bed.
— 💀SpookyLittleComic👻 (@CunniLinguist77) October 20, 2022
#21
My wife wandered off 30 minutes ago in the grocery store, I have the shopping cart, her purse and cell phone. I guess I'm single now.
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) October 2, 2022
#22
Me: Any Costco requests?
— LaughCryCoffee (@laughcrycoffee) October 4, 2022
Husband, who is out of deodorant, toothpaste, and work snacks: Nope, I’m good.
#23
marriage is one person forgetting where they put something and the other accusing them they threw it out
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) September 30, 2022
#24
80% of marriage is walking around sighing passive aggressively but never saying anything
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) October 5, 2022
#25
My wife and I play this adorable game where I pick a place to eat and she says no until it's someone else's idea.
— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) October 4, 2022
