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#1
My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.
— Dr Áine Mahon (@AineMarieMahon) March 29, 2022
#2
Me: What should you do if you see smoke?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2019
6-year-old: Ask what you're cooking.
#3
My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) September 30, 2016
#4
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
— colonel rob fee (@robfee) March 3, 2015
#5
My son got his license and I’m terrified, but totally ok if he wants to drive to McDonald’s and get me a McFlurry.
— Stacey (@skittle624) February 24, 2021
#6
I was singing You Are My Sunshine to my 3 year old and he told me he hates that song. I said that's a shame because I use to sing it to him when he was in my tummy before he was born and he looked me dead in the eyes and said "I hated it then too".
— Al (@AliceTaylorM) December 12, 2021
#7
When my sweet baby daughter said "mama" for the first time, I never imagined that 11 years later, she'd be calling me "bro" on a regular basis.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 8, 2021
#8
Parenting is ignoring the weird smell in your teen’s bedroom because you don’t want to know why there is a weird smell in their bedroom.
— Mike (@Parentpains) December 14, 2021
#9
I stopped swearing, because kids. Then I started swearing, because kids.
— Lara 💜🥂🛀 (@Eithercryingor) February 28, 2021
#10
Middle aged happiness is discovering that the next load of laundry to fold is just 8 bath towels and not 46 pieces of small human clothes.
— Daniel Munro (@dk_munro) February 21, 2021
#11
My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 6, 2020
#12
Me to my kids: you have to eat right and get good sleep if you want to stay healthy.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) April 7, 2020
Also me: *shouting at 5am* WHO THE HELL ATE MY BREAKFAST PRINGLES??
#13
Cutting your toddler’s sandwich the wrong way is a mistake you don’t make more than once.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) April 10, 2020
#14
How you act when your kid mixes two different colors of play-doh together is the real you.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 5, 2020
#15
My daughter gave me “coupons” for my birthday with topics like, “Daddy-Daughter Lunch” and “Daddy-Daughter Ice Cream Shop.” It’s so sweet she wants to spend some time and my money with me.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 16, 2022
#16
My little girl is fiercely independent. She won't even hold hands on a walk because she "doesn't need help!" So when I felt her reach up and gently hold my hand as we walked into the first day of kindergarten I teared up. Then she dragged it across her slimy nose like a kleenex.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 17, 2022
#17
5 told me she’d draw my portrait then asked to look at a potato so she could “get my face right” and I don’t really know where we go from here
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 15, 2022
#18
My husband came home to find me vacuuming dirt out of the bathtub and had the audacity to ask how the kids were today
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 17, 2022
#19
One minute you are young and carefree and the next minute your kids are asking for help with their history homework because you were alive in the nineteen hundreds.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 16, 2022
#20
My kids have two settings, adorable angels or ransacking raccoons
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 15, 2022
#21
Did you have a good weekend or did your 4 y/o tell a lady with grey hair in the greeting card isle to “Move it old lady!”?
— Bre (@fullofmomsense) April 3, 2022
#22
Us: Takes 5yr old to Disney
— MommyCocktail (@MommyCocktail) April 2, 2022
5yr old: Is there Target here?
#23
Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. She wanted grandchildren, right?
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 29, 2022
