.png)
.svg){kind=small}
#1
February 29th should always be a holiday. Once in 4 years. I think we can afford that.
— B (@Basi_cally) February 29, 2024
#2
My wife and I shopped for a couch today and got divorced by lunch time.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 24, 2024
#3
Anyone else take a screenshot of the ingredients and directions of an on-line recipe so you don't have to read the other 18 pages of nonsense?
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 29, 2024
#4
We can put a man on the moon, but we can't think of a less terrifying way to can biscuits.
— The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 (@blade_funner) February 25, 2024
#5
husband: do you know where the thing is
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 25, 2024
me: can I buy a noun
#6
Nobody:
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 27, 2024
Absolutely nobody:
My 2yo: [Puts his hands on his hips] WHAT THE F*** ?!
#7
Daughter: 🎶my mom is so pretty, she’s the best mom🎶
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 29, 2024
Me: best song I’ve ever heard, keep going!
Daughter: 🎶and she’s getting older and won’t be here soon🎶
Me: …….
#8
My 6yo is chanting all the words that rhyme with sucker and this is going to end badly in about 3 seconds
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 29, 2024
#9
my wife: you put more time and energy into our son’s little league team than you do our marriage.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 27, 2024
me: well yeah our marriage doesn’t end in a championship tournament.
#10
I am sitting in the parking lot at Target and the two cars closest to me also have women sitting in them looking at their phones. This is our church
— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) February 28, 2024
#11
I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I think garlic bread could fix me
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) February 27, 2024
#12
i'd be sooooo pissed if i were a bee and someone took all my hard-earned honey and put it in a container shaped like a bear. a bear is my enemy. you mock me.
— erin chack (@ErinChack) February 26, 2024
#13
Why are u asking me to go out at 9 pm????? I have my Jammies on man
— glizzy mcguire (@cleptocowgirl) February 25, 2024
#14
How do I make my kids understand that when Nirvana comes on the radio, I can't be their mom anymore because I'm back in high school, driving a 1987 Oldsmobile?
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) February 25, 2024
#15
Once a guy came to our door with an educational book-selling MLM. He tried to get my husband by asking “do you even know why a flamingo is pink?” And I guess the guy hadn’t anticipated running into a man raised on zoboomafoo because he walked away defeated.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) February 26, 2024
#16
Hope your day is going better than that of my 3yo, who apparently is just now absorbing/processing for the first time that T-rexes are in fact extinct and we will not find them in any zoo. Thoughts & prayers pls.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 29, 2024
#17
It’s weird how fresh sheets can make you feel like you have your life together.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) February 29, 2024
#18
Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to catch up on emails from your school
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 29, 2024
#19
Be warned that if you buy your 5 year old a watch, you are going to get minute by minute updates on what the current time is
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 27, 2024
#20
“what could be the cause of this???” - me when i get a headache after spending 8 hours hunched at my desk, grinding my teeth, and drinking exclusively diet coke
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) February 28, 2024
#21
Nothing more passive aggressive than a login that doesn’t let you see what you’ve put in as your password.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) February 29, 2024
