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#1
last night I told my four year old I loved her and she said “I love you so much that if someone chopped your head off I’d carry it around forever in a bag”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 23, 2022
#2
I’m at the stage in my life now when my kid describes someone as old I have to say “old like me or old like grandma”?
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 21, 2024
#3
My daughter has been home from school for 30 minutes. She’s been talking for 40 of them.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) April 23, 2021
#4
Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 22, 2021
#5
Please pray for my teen who forgot to jump and touch the doorframe before entering a room today
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) January 19, 2021
#6
I would like to officially apologize to my toddler for cutting her left pancake before I cut her right pancake, I don’t know what I was thinking
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 24, 2021
#7
One day they won’t want to hang with you anymore I tell myself as my kids have 47 things to tell me while I’m on the toilet.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 30, 2023
#8
My daughter is asking the tooth fairy for $100, “because I really liked that tooth.”
— Mara Thee Reporter (@marascampo) January 31, 2021
😂
#9
I couldn’t decide if I wanted bangs or not so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks awful. Dodged a bullet there.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 14, 2021
#10
My 11yo just screamed across the skatepark “MOM! DID YOU EVER GET OUR HEALTH INSURANCE REINSTATED? I WANNA DO A TRICK!”
— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) June 20, 2021
#11
I just clomped down the stairs loudly because of my heels and my son said, “Oh somebody gonna be in trouble today. She’s wearing the mean shoes.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 8, 2021
#12
Ice cream employee: I didn't know you had kids! You always come in by yourself.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) April 10, 2021
Kids: WHAT?! MOM!
It's like she didn't want a tip.
#13
My 4yo is in complete shock after she found out her uncle is my brother.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 25, 2022
#14
Pls pray for my son. He has an eye condition that makes it impossible for him to see when the kitchen bin is full & needs emptying.
— Kung Fu Kanga (@_little_old_me) April 26, 2022
#15
the teacher asked my kindergartner what his favorite season was and he said “garlic salt”
— 🦂Stay at Home Meh 🌵 (@caseyjparker) August 26, 2022
#16
Whomever said “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” never met a toddler who wants to do it themself
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 25, 2022
#17
Picked up my sons from school and stopped to get gas, invited them to get out of the car and learn how to do it. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." 😂
— Alana DiMario (@AlanaDimario) June 20, 2022
#18
My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 22, 2022
#19
Sometimes I like to mess with my family and hide their stuff where they can't find it.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) January 8, 2020
Like I put their shoes in the shoe closet, their jacket on a hanger and their keys on the key hook.
#20
5 asked me if I’ve ever been to jail and when I said no, she said “wow, not even for your cooking?”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 26, 2022
#21
You think your coworker is toxic? Mine steals things from my desk, spills crumbs on my chair, and then has the audacity to need a diaper change.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) September 29, 2022
