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#1
I don't care what my family gets me for Father's Day as long as they don't waste $7 on a gift bag and tissue paper to put it in.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 17, 2023
#2
Father's Day tip: forgot a gift? Drop him off at The Home Depot and let him play with all the other dads.
— luke [from online] (@internetluke) June 21, 2015
#3
Told my toddler today was Father’s Day and she said “you’re welcome” if you were wondering how the current batch of Generation Z is coming along.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 17, 2018
#4
My kids woke me up on Father's Day with breakfast in bed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2017
Just kidding.
My 1-year-old hit me in the head with a maraca.
#5
It’s 10:30 on Father’s Day. My wife just asked me what I wanted to do today. I said I didn’t know, and she asked me “well, what do you like to do?”
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 17, 2018
We’ve been together for 18 years.
#6
Get your dad what he really wants this Father's Day by turning off the lights when you leave a room.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) June 18, 2015
#7
Happy father's day to all my fellow dads out there!
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 16, 2024
Enjoy cooking your own meal for everyone.
#8
A thoughtful way to honor your dad on Father's Day is to post a picture of him on a social media site that he doesn't know how to use.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 21, 2015
#9
Father’s Day coming up. Can’t wait to be served Norovirus in bed.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 11, 2018
#10
Called my dad to wish him a Happy Father’s Day and we spent the whole time discussing back pain and ibuprofen. The circle is now complete.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 17, 2018
#11
8yo: I wanna do something special for you on Father’s Day.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 16, 2023
me: oh yea?
8yo: yea how about we take you to the water park and then get ice cream after?
#12
Well, it’s Father’s Day and the rest of my family is out of town. So, basically I’m living the dream of all mothers on Mother’s Day
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 16, 2024
#13
Celebrating Father’s Day by going to breakfast with the family and letting the price of orange juice ruin the rest of my day.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 16, 2024
#14
My son got me some very expensive cologne for Father’s Day. I know it was very expensive because he used my credit card.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) June 19, 2016
#15
6:30 AM
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 19, 2017
Son [Shakes me awake]: Dad, DAD! Wake up. The toilets clogged.
Me: Huh?
Son: Yeah, toilet's clogged. And oh yeah, happy Father's Day
#16
It's Father's Day. Don't forget to hide charcoal briquettes around the house for your dad to find
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) June 18, 2017
#17
the apostrophe in "father's day" indicates that this day is meant to celebrate one dad only. my guess is Gene, down the street
— chuuch (@ch000ch) June 21, 2015
#18
Father's day is way better when your kids spend their own money on your gift
— Man of Letters (@manofletterz) June 13, 2022
#19
Father's Day means I let him be a dad while I go get a pedicure, right?
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) June 15, 2014
#20
For Father's Day my husband said he'd like for a 3x3 ft area of our bedroom to be cleaned, which speaks volumes about my homemaking skills.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) June 16, 2013
#21
My wife and kids are out buying me a father's day gift. What they don't realize is they already gave me the greatest gift of all: Silence.
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) June 20, 2015
