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#1
Dating does nothing to prepare you for the stage of marriage when you’re annoyed with how loudly they turn on the light.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 7, 2024
#2
The best marriage advice I can give is try to find someone who you don’t want to murder every time you hear them chew.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 13, 2023
#3
My wife asked if I wanted to get together with friends today. I said no. So we meet up with them at 3 today.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 4, 2024
#4
I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 23, 2024
#5
My husband: we really need to cut back our spending
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 8, 2023
My dog: absolutely, right after an emergency visit to the vet
#6
“i have to tell you something but you can’t tell anyone” i am telling my husband i already started writing the text
— erin chack (@ErinChack) June 13, 2024
#7
My husband took away all my son's devices before he left for work this morning, so I guess he wants to test the strength of our marriage.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) May 28, 2022
#8
A fun part of marriage is arguing over who deserves to use the charger in the car. PROVE IT, SHOW ME YOUR PERCENTAGE
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 28, 2017
#9
Marriage is telling your spouse you heard about a cool new restaurant on a Monday only for them to repeat to you on a Friday “there’s this cool new restaurant I just heard about”
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) October 13, 2022
#10
air-conditioned wife, happy life
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 12, 2022
#11
90% of marriage is just one person asking the other if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 17, 2017
#12
just remembered this was once my dating profile pic and my future husband saw it and was like “yep that’s marriage material” pic.twitter.com/Lk4cJJY8Mw
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 24, 2023
#13
My wife is out of town, so I just needed to tell someone that I emptied the dishwasher
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 19, 2024
#14
“Stop looking at your phone so you can look at what I’m trying to show you on my phone.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 29, 2022
~marriage
#15
Waiting for my husband to leave on his run so I can crack open a pint of ice cream. Marriage is all about balance.
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) February 26, 2024
#16
As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 3, 2023
#17
My wife puts groceries on the conveyor belt like there may be an award for most organized.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 4, 2024
#18
husband: you should hang out with my friend’s wife, she’s an introvert like you
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 16, 2022
me: that’s…that’s not how it works
#19
You're not supposed to survive marriage. It's in the vows.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 8, 2022
#20
The secret to a long marriage is never losing your mutual hatred of everyone else.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) September 10, 2014
