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It's my favorite time of the week! And by that I mean it's time to have a good laugh in just 280 characters or less. It's like literary masterpieces condensed into bite-sized nuggets of hilarity. So, grab your reading glasses and get ready to dive into the world of witty one-liners because let's face it, life is just too short to take everything seriously! Here we go:
1
AT&T had a nationwide outage, giving kids an authentic 1900s experience.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 22, 2024
#2
Coworker: hey everything ok today?
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 22, 2024
Me, googling alternative jobs for teachers: yeah why do you ask
#3
Some people "Oh no. AI is taking over"
— Rae's a little hell🇨🇦 (@omgshuddup) February 19, 2024
My robot vacuum: "Help i'm stuck in a corner"
#4
If you are over 40, the only things you run out of now are ibuprofen and toilet paper.
— 🧣Mad Hatter Mommy!!!❄️ (@MadHatterMommy) February 23, 2024
#5
I’m at the stage in my life now when my kid describes someone as old I have to say “old like me or old like grandma”?
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 21, 2024
#6
Dogs: the original weighted blankets
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 22, 2024
#7
Wife: Finally, a weekend getaway for just the two of us!
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 22, 2024
Also my wife: Are you going to breathe like that for the entire trip?
#8
for a small fee i’ll attend your funeral from a distance wearing a black leather catsuit while standing in the rain and crying, no umbrella, so your family thinks you could have been batman.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) February 23, 2024
#9
The women who are looking for a husband have never had one.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) February 20, 2024
#10
Sign my petition banning extroverted baristas from working the morning shift
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 21, 2024
#11
My husband isn’t the average husband who stands in the way of a kitchen drawer. He’s able to block a person’s path EVERY single time they change direction in a kitchen.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) February 23, 2024
#12
Women will literally try to hold a conversation with you when you are two rooms away.
— Granite Man 🏴 (@GraniteDhuine) February 23, 2024
#13
you sit there and think about what you've done
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 23, 2024
-me leaving dishes in the sink to soak overnight
#14
Why can't medications have positive side effects? Like "may make everything you eat taste like chocolate cake" or "may make you remember why you walked into that room the first time".
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) February 18, 2024
#15
Good news! My 8YO says she is halfway done with the story she started telling last Monday
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 22, 2024
#16
My trainer said that I have to stop referring to Reese Cups as protein bars
— Jono (@whoinvitedjon) February 21, 2024
#17
Kid: *throwing a tantrum*
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) February 20, 2024
Me: SAME
#18
"please feel free to ignore this email" way ahead of you buddy
— lauren (@Very__Regular) February 23, 2024
#19
Is this the Twilight Zone? Because my kid asked her dad for help instead of waking me from a nap to help her, and I can’t think of another explanation for this abnormal behavior.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 23, 2024
#20
Any room is a panic room when there are people in it.
— Tater 🍁🐾 (@TrueTorontoGirl) February 19, 2024
