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1
I put some boxes of stuff to donate in my car this morning and then dropped them off at the donation centre ON THE SAME DAY please clap
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) February 14, 2024
#2
To the pants with the fake pockets…everybody hates you.
— Stacey (@skittle624) February 15, 2024
#3
I looked at the mess my kids made, said jesus christ three times and now the water in my glass is wine
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 11, 2024
#4
In the past month Taylor Swift has continued a world tour, won her 14th Grammy, announced her 11th new album, and watched her boyfriend play in the Super Bowl and I’ve been “getting ready to dust” for the past two weeks.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 11, 2024
#5
Being an adult and able to do whatever I want is too much responsibility for me
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 14, 2024
#6
Can we stop screwing around and just frost the whole pop tart? We have the technology
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) July 29, 2019
#7
me: morning!
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 15, 2024
10: i just woke up. can we please not talk yet dad
dammit. every child got my wife's morning attitude.
#8
Dolly Parton should open a Trader Joe’s type store and call it Traitor Jolene’s.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) February 12, 2024
#9
I always choose the “buy now, pay later” option with the hope I’ll be dead by the time the bill arrives.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 15, 2024
#10
The crunching is too loud!
— Midge (@mxmclain) February 15, 2024
#11
I don’t know who needs to hear this but you can sleep on the couch the whole night if you want.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 15, 2024
#12
I was a better parent before I had kids bc I didn’t know about negotiating with a 3yo. Tonight he asked for ice cream, I said “no you had a popsicle” he said “that was a snack, ice cream is dessert” I gave in, I can’t debate the difference between snack and dessert for an hour??
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 15, 2024
#13
Went to my bosses funeral this weekend. I leaned over and whispered in his ear.
— 🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉIΛ🇫🇷🇮🇹 (@kingtorc) February 15, 2024
“who’s thinking outside the box now Gary.”
#14
Went to Aldi’s for a loaf of bread and came home with a 6 piece patio set.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) February 15, 2024
#15
I’ve never had a pizza that wasn’t personal, honestly.
— Benny Boy (@Camel_Crushin) February 15, 2024
#16
God, I hate when the cure for something turns out to be diet and exercise.
— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) February 12, 2024
#17
My husband just said, 'I guess you’re always right!' and I, for one, am happy to hear him finally acknowledge it.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 15, 2024
#18
Unfortunately, the 2 donuts I just ate did not take all my troubles away. I will try again tomorrow.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) February 15, 2024
#19
Wife: Are the kids doing their chores?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 16, 2024
Me: *hears everyone yelling at everyone else* Yes.
#20
Look, I gotta run. The only snacks you have here are cottage cheese and vegetables.
— The B. (@anerdonfire2) February 15, 2024
