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#1
Things that have improved my mental health:
— Karen K. Ho (@karenkho) March 18, 2024
-sleeping 7.5 to 9 hrs/night
-long walks with my dog
-eating high-protein meals
-drinking more water
-cleaning 15-30 min every day
-weekly therapy
-time with friends
-a lot less time here and Extremely Online
-seeing my exes age poorly
#2
always humbling that plants that survived whatever killed the dinosaurs cannot survive two weeks under my care
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 17, 2024
#3
Our baby doesn’t have many words right now, but he loves to consistently yell “Oh yeah!” And it’s hilarious. It’s like living with the Kool Aid man.
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) March 22, 2024
#4
I no longer dislike Mondays, i’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.
— Jenni (@hashjenni) March 17, 2024
#5
I did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 97 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
— ⒷⓊⒷⒷⓁⓎ T 🇨🇦☀️🫧 (@smileitsfree44) February 4, 2024
#6
that little scroll thingy that you use to select your birth year is getting kinda far
— yash (@dildoswagginzs) February 4, 2024
#7
that little scroll thingy that you use to select your birth year is getting kinda far
— yash (@dildoswagginzs) February 4, 2024
#8
I’m going to need whatever pills they were giving housewives in the 1950s that kept them simultaneously energetic and completely unbothered by anything at all.
— Claire Zagorski, MSc, LP (@clairezagorski) February 28, 2024
#9
Took my kid to a play place and he sees a former classmate who he has had a crush on for ages. I told him to play it cool. Just overheard him say “I remember your breath. It always smells like goldfish crackers” bro has negative rizz
— Teddie (@Teddie2pointO) March 21, 2024
#10
i hate going bowling with people who are good at bowling, like bro relax
— gen🥂 (@genmxn) February 3, 2024
#11
Me to me after one tiny mistake: you useless idiot
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 16, 2024
Me to my cat who committed 100 crimes in the past hour: my furry little angel, you are perfection my toe bean queen
#12
If I was a marriage counselor, I would make the couple each use ANY dating app for 3 minutes.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) October 18, 2022
#13
Please respect my privacy during this time*
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 22, 2024
*eating in my parked car
#14
there can be literally two things in a tote and you still won’t be able to find either. silly little cloth joke bags
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) March 21, 2024
#15
I bring a real “we’re all gonna die someday” energy to therapy that my therapist doesn’t always really like
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 19, 2024
#16
Hello 911? It’s an emergency, my coworker can’t name one Pearl Jam song.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) March 19, 2024
#17
Just got my first HOA slap on the wrist and now I want to take pictures of everything my neighbors are doing wrong. This is how wars start.
— Amitryptyling (@AmiEverAfter) February 7, 2024
#18
Husband’s bracket: picked based on yrs of experience combined w/ thorough research & complete observation…BUSTED
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 22, 2024
10y/o’s bracket: picked based on whichever team’s name was easier to spell…THRIVING
#19
Our baby doesn’t have many words right now, but he loves to consistently yell “Oh yeah!” And it’s hilarious. It’s like living with the Kool Aid man.
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) March 22, 2024
#20
I panic in many more places than just the disco
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) March 22, 2024
