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Oh, marriage, the ultimate test of love, patience, and the ability to laugh at your partner's questionable jokes. Get ready for a rollercoaster ride of laughter, where "happily ever after" takes a detour through sarcasm and hilarity. So, grab your partner's hand (or their Twitter handle) and get ready to chuckle your way through these comically relatable marriage tweets. Just remember, for better or for worse, but mostly for the laughs!
#1
Marriage after 20 years is basically waking up and telling each other which body part got injured while sleeping.
— Stacey (@skittle624) February 24, 2024
#2
My wife said we need to “evaluate the garage” so there goes my weekend
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 24, 2024
#3
Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 27, 2024
#4
I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 29, 2024
#5
Let’s all bow our heads and pray for my husband who very tragically asked me what I did all day.
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 29, 2024
#6
Wife: Hey can you-
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 15, 2024
Me: Hold on. I'm in another stupid useless frigging Zoom meeting.
Boss: Okay just a reminder to put yourselves on mute.
#7
I’m bored I think I’ll scare my husband and ask him where the drill is
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 24, 2024
#8
My kids and I asking my wife where all the snacks are as she drives off to work pic.twitter.com/FZd7590R8K
— Joel Jeffrey (@joeljeffrey) March 16, 2023
#9
Me: If I turn on a movie, are you going to fall asleep?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2024
Wife: *already asleep*
Me: *also asleep*
#10
“This is the last time I get married !”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 23, 2024
- What my wife keeps saying for the last 10 years of us being married
#11
Not to brag you guys, but I apparently married a man who knows everything about everything. I know, you’re jealous.
— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) February 24, 2024
#12
My husband is helping with the chores by sweeping out the garage even though that’s literally never been on my To Do list, but good job, babe.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 12, 2024
#13
Stopped for a sec to see what my wife was watching and all of the sudden I’m 90 minutes deep into a show called Love is Blind.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 23, 2024
#14
My husband isn’t the average husband who stands in the way of a kitchen drawer. He’s able to block a person’s path EVERY single time they change direction in a kitchen.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) February 23, 2024
#15
My wife and I wanted to go to a movie but we cant go until after 4PM so we'll try another day when it's not so late.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 17, 2024
#16
Marriage is when you see your spouse cleaning the house and ask them “Is someone coming over?”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 16, 2024
#17
My husband and I tell each other I love you more and then roll over to the edges of our bed as far away from each other as possible.
— Disheveled Mom (@wittysnuggles) February 17, 2024
#18
Me: What are you doing? Get up! They’ll be here in fifteen minutes. Help me clean.
— Andi (@smiles_and_nods) February 19, 2024
Husband: Who’s coming over?
Me: The housekeepers!
#19
Told my husband I was going to Target for a few things and he said “like what” and wow, rude
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 19, 2024
#20
My husband asked me how to clear his google search history and at first I said google it lol and then immediately grabbed his laptop to look at his search history. And before you come for me for not being a trusting, doting wife I urge you to watch just one episode of Dateline.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 17, 2024
