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#1
When someone tells me they aren't a dog person, all I hear is blah, blah, blah, I'm a psychopath.
— Stacey (@skittle624) June 20, 2017
#2
90% of dog ownership is telling your dog you’re not letting them out because you just let them out and then letting them out
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 16, 2022
#3
Until you have a dog you don't understand what could be eaten.
— Bunsen and BEAKER (@bunsenbernerbmd) September 20, 2022
#4
the fun part of pet ownership is that every now and then they'll start acting funny and the cure will either be that they need to take a dump or have a $3000 surgery and you just get to guess which one you're dealing with
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 20, 2022
#5
My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 7, 2024
#6
“I know you think you’re being funny, but honestly Dave, it’s just hurtful.” pic.twitter.com/L2bDsMvLPA
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) August 26, 2022
#7
Day 1 of owning a dog: I will not be one of those crazy pet owners.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 22, 2023
Day 2 of owning a dog: Puppy, look at the matching outfits I got us.
#8
When your child and your dog disappear upstairs for an hour, you should totally be suspicious. pic.twitter.com/HqvuVTYVXg
— kate (@KateOfHysteria) June 20, 2016
#9
My dog proudly presented me with my own half eaten sock like a trophy of what a mighty hunter he is.
— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) October 26, 2022
#10
I love the difference between dog and cat rescue stories. dog owners will be like oh I prepped for months and applied and had a home check then did a foster to adopt trial period and then the rescue chose me! and cat owners are like .. I found him in the trash
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) November 7, 2022
#11
my mom got me a cardboard cutout of my dog to take with me to college 😂 pic.twitter.com/ejyLnHEujI
— oski (@oski_fps) August 18, 2016
#12
dog:
— maeve 🪩 (@existentiaIly) September 1, 2016
me: i would die for you
#13
Hi, I spend 3 minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog, then I go to work and people take me seriously as an adult.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) November 4, 2014
#14
Sorry I wasn't listening when you were talking about your dog. I was busy looking in my phone for a picture of my superior dog.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) January 25, 2015
#15
When ur human says "who's a good boy" and u already know it's u pic.twitter.com/Iv9mFqAnyB
— Meg (@Megaafauna) October 23, 2016
#16
"We'd be rich if you just said one fucking word"
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 5, 2015
- me, drunk, talking to my dog
#17
My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) January 23, 2016
#18
In 34 years I've said I love you to two women and every dog I've ever seen.
— Matt Monroe (@heymonroe) April 1, 2016
#19
My small dog’s superpower is snuggling against me in bed at night and immediately becoming a 600-degree, three-ton immovable object.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 4, 2024
