*calls up pizza place*

WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING

— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014

This elevator smells like pizza at 9:30am and it makes me wonder if someone else is living a better life than me.

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) January 17, 2018

every friday is pizza friday for dinner in our house. i asked the boys to text me what 2 large pizzas they wanted. 9 texted me, "we want 1 half cheese and half pepperoni and the other half cheese, half pepperoni". i said ok 1 pep and 1 cheese. "no". now we're arguing.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 13, 2023

People who don't eat the pizza crust:
1. Why do you do that
2. Can I have it

— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) March 25, 2015

son: can we order pizza tonight?

me: no

son: why not?

me: ok...good point

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 6, 2023

The clay scene from Ghost but it's just me alone with a large pizza.

— Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 (@PinkCamoTO) October 19, 2015

I'm going to wear a skin-clearing face mask while eating a whole cheese pizza. I really hope they cancel each other out.

— Lilly (@Lilly) April 4, 2018

My mom once slapped ketchup and cheese on Wonder bread and called it pizza and my kids are complaining that their sushi isn’t cut to their satisfaction

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 2, 2023

Gas stoves can cause cancer? Great. As if I needed another reason to order a pizza.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 23, 2023

me at 17: someone please come over i hate being alone

me at 23: leave the pizza at the front door then knock and go away

— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) January 26, 2019

Pizza's here guys! I shout to the empty house.

A single tear runs down the delivery man's face. He knows.

— Deirdre (@figgled) October 15, 2015

At the shop buying pizza, wine and ibuprofen and the mum at the till next to me just gave me a knowing nod. She gets it

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) February 2, 2023

ME: I'm only ordering 2 pizzas because they're buy 1 get 1 free

PIZZA GUY: That special is over

ME: 2 pizzas please

— Eeric (@ericsshadow) October 2, 2016

Wife: Do you mind if we have pizza two nights in a row?

Me: Will you marry me again?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2018

Hey kids, know whats cool? When u grow up u can order pizza 2 nights in a row & nobody gets mad at u. Except ur wife. And ur doctor actually

— pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 10, 2016

I react to seeing a pizza the way most women react when they see a baby. It makes me want another one of my own.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 10, 2018

Before you join a meal kit delivery service read this:

Pizza comes to your house already cooked.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 30, 2018

Started thinking I want a baby and then I ate a slice of pizza and it literally went away

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) June 22, 2018

*puts on romantic music*
*lights candles*
*scatters pizza bagels all over the bed*

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 5, 2015