Instead of “Take Your Child To Work Day” there should be a “Take Your Therapist To Work Day” so they can see exactly what you’ve been talking about

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) June 3, 2024

Paid $75 to take the family to the zoo so my toddler could ooh and ahh over a caterpillar in the parking lot.

— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) August 19, 2023

How to know if your child is going to need a snack:

Are they awake?

— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) August 24, 2022

the teacher asked my kindergartner what his favorite season was and he said “garlic salt”

— 🦂Stay at Home Meh 🌵 (@caseyjparker) August 26, 2022

If you want to be yelling at your kids in the car at 4:30 in the morning before you even get to the end of your driveway, a vacation might be for you!

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 22, 2023

Me, wearing a slightly dressy top and real pants as I get ready to go out to dinner with friends.

5yo (suspiciously): “Why do you look like that?”

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) June 15, 2023

Today the 8 year old told me she deliberately spelled a word wrong in the last round of the school spelling bee because “if you lose you get a piece of candy, but if you win you just get a boring medal”

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) June 14, 2023

This little boy got in my car with the kids and I assumed it was one of their friends. I asked his name and introduced myself. He gets out of the car and my kids say “I don’t know that boy. I guess he just wanted a ride”. 💀💀💀

— Mom (@themultiplemom) June 14, 2023

"Welcome to daycare. Here's your eye infection."

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 24, 2023

Halfway through my kid’s crazy complicated Subway order, the guy asked “Where you going with this sandwich, man?”

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 20, 2023

Would love to have a brief chat with whoever taught my son to roll his eyes and say “oh my GOD” whenever someone displeases him oh wait

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) August 23, 2023

went on vacation so my kids could play on their ipads in a different state

-a modern day parenting story

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 20, 2023

What I said: it’s bedtime

What my kid heard: put on a Batman mask and check the hallways for crime

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 21, 2023

My 5yo told me he's carrying coins in his pocket in case he runs into any guys he has to pay, and now I have questions

— meghan (@deloisivete) June 8, 2023

“But chickens don’t have fingers,” my kid, ruining dinner.

— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) August 25, 2022

You learn a lot about your family when you spend 12 hours in a car together. For example, I learned my family shouldn’t spend 12 hours in a car together.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 23, 2022

My son came home from camp soaking wet because he couldn’t find his towel. In his backpack.

— kidversations (@kidversations_) August 23, 2022

My teenagers use so much slang I have no idea what they're even saying anymore. I just hold my hand out for a fist bump and hope for the best.

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) August 17, 2022

If you’re tired of being the first person to any party you should consider having kids

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 23, 2022