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#1
5yo: THANK YOU FOR COACHING MY TEAM. I DON’T LIKE SOCCER AND I’M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 18, 2024
#2
Accurate pic.twitter.com/T1rCnafkNr
— Jenni (@hashjenni) May 18, 2024
#3
“therapy doesn’t work for me” ok well I hate to break it to you but the mental illness isn’t working for you either
— trash jones (@jzux) January 13, 2024
#4
hey sorry for being so anxious earlier i had no idea everything would be fine
— clare (@sadderlizards) January 23, 2024
#5
I love joining a class action lawsuit. Hell yeah I've been wronged. Justice needs to be served. A surprise check for $26 in 6 years will make it right
— alexandra (@bigmoodenergy) January 23, 2024
#6
Everyone has that one friend that helps you get meaner
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 7, 2023
#7
It’s so sad when you have to tell the person you love that you’ve already seen the post they’re showing you
— meggy (@dogmatic_shorty) January 24, 2024
#8
there are two types of people in this world: people who lock their house when they are home at 2 pm and people who barely remember to lock it when they go to sleep.
— emily (@emilykmay) May 19, 2024
#9
My son is having a pretty expensive birthday party with lots of kids coming to our house tomorrow, what are the chances he will throw up and/or have a fever in the next 15 hours?
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 17, 2024
#10
I have a very serious question for folks that have airbnbs and are adamantly against parties. Why else would someone need a house that sleeps 12, has a pool in the back, pool table wet bar and 100" TV in the basement? That isn't for a quiet vacation.
— Cowboy Rai (@yay_itsrai) May 17, 2024
#11
I refuse to be controlled by a calendar so happy birthday to me today
— h2Hoe💆🏾♀️ (@ghizeee) January 24, 2024
#12
I only know what season it is according to the candy aisle at Target.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) January 25, 2024
#13
My husband made those easy bake pillsbury crescent rolls this morning.
— Nimisha Barton (@NimishaBarton) January 1, 2024
Ladies and gentlemen, the crescent rolls: pic.twitter.com/yU5keyGY7M
#14
Woke up this morning expecting a raging headache. My husband said, “Wanna know why your head doesn’t hurt so bad? Your last several gin and tonics I ordered for you were just water.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 1, 2024
#15
i love having a dishwasher but i do wish they could better accommodate my very bowl-heavy lifestyle
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 2, 2024
#16
In a bad mood and watching my boyfriend complete a task really slowly. what could go wrong
— helena (@freshhel) January 14, 2024
#17
It's amazing how much I accomplish around the house under the threat of someone coming over
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) January 18, 2024
#18
My mom loves to be like “that is NOT a newborn” when we watch shows
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) January 18, 2024
