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#1
Imagine you own a restaurant. A customer orders a meal and tells you it’s disgusting. They say this is the worst restaurant they’ve ever been to and you’re the worst chef in the world. This is what it’s like cooking for kids.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) October 26, 2022
#2
Your kid went from 5th grade to 6th grade. Settle down with the graduation parties.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 10, 2024
#3
Sesame Street: this is an educational show
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) June 1, 2022
Me: oh yeah? what type of bird is that
Sesame Street: *flustered* a big one
#4
Overheard my 11 y/o daughter record her voicemail greeting: “Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail. When you hear the beep, hang up and send me a text.” This generation gets it.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 6, 2022
#5
Welcome to parenthood. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 9, 2022
#6
15 yo daughter has a friend over and suddenly 13 yo son wants to walk around curling dumbbells.
— Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma (@Fulkery1) June 26, 2022
#7
Child: I learned a joke at school.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 25, 2022
Me: Ok let’s hear it.
Child: What goes in stiff but comes out soft?
Me:
Child:
Me:
Child:
Me: Is it a-
Wife [running in from other room]: SPAGHETTI IT’S SPAGHETTI
#8
When I sprayed my foot with tinactin my 6yo asked what it was for and I told him athletes foot then he said “but daddy you’re not an athlete” and I am so sad that he’ll never understand how sick the burn was that he delivered.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) May 1, 2024
#9
My 6yo was upset this morning but refused to talk about it. As she was being dropped off at school, she decided to speak up by saying and I quote, “I go to school too much, and it bothers me.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 15, 2024
#10
Excellent news! My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 20, 2022
#11
1980s parents DGAF. I broke my arm at a friend's house when I was 5 and my mom didn't believe me and shoved it in my coat because it was time to go home and she didn't have time for this.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 13, 2019
#12
Whenever there's a baby delivered in a TV show, moms are required to say, "That's not a newborn."
— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) October 3, 2022
#13
[5 PM]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 2, 2024
Me: Put your homework in your backpack.
Child: I know.
[8 PM]
Me: Put your homework in your backpack.
Child: I know.
[Next morning, 6 AM]
Me: Did you put your homework in your backpack? Child: I will.
[8 AM]
Text from child at school: you won’t believe this
#14
I had to drive my daughter's car, which of course was low on gas and doesn't have a distance-to-empty gauge, and now I know what it was like for the early settlers crossing the vast wilderness not knowing how long their food rations would last
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) May 11, 2024
#15
My 4-year-old forgot the word microwave & called it a warm fridge instead.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 5, 2022
#16
My 7yo is angry and says he’s not talking for the entire weekend but he’s got my wife’s DNA so haha ain’t no way that’s happening.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 17, 2022
#17
My 4yo asked me what I’m getting him for my birthday tomorrow. This is how the argument started.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) June 21, 2022
#18
"could one of you people come here?"
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) June 22, 2022
- my 7yo, to the mother and father that have cared for him since birth
