me after my first kid: screen time is terrible, I will raise you to appreciate wooden blocks and imagination

me after the second kid: the wiggles are your parents now

— Nick Evershed (@NickEvershed) September 6, 2019

First kid: Shhh, be quiet or you'll wake the baby.
Second kid: *using a leaf blower to dust the furniture*

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 10, 2017

Parenting through the years:

1st kid: Organic food only

2nd kid: “McDonald’s once in a while isn’t so bad.”

3rd kid: “Did he just eat dog food? I’m sure he’s fine.”

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 1, 2019

after 1st kid: [makes all food organic because GMO's]

after 3 kids: [loads up 532 $1 lunchables in the cart for the week]

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 16, 2020

1st Kid: OMG YOU ATE A FRUIT SNACK OFF THE FLOOR OF WALMART CALL 911 MY POOR BABY!

2nd Kid: Ew buddy spit that out.

3rd Kid: Sweet, I don’t need to make lunch.

— Upside Dad (@UpsideDad) February 9, 2022

[breakfast]
First kid: French toast, organic fruit
Second kid: Cereal
Third kid: Ketchup

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 28, 2018

1st kid: I bought us some paper mache, paint, clay, and glitter for an art project!!

2nd kid: I bought you some crayons and construction paper for an art project!!

3rd kid: *hands him a roll of tape* Go knock yourself out.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 7, 2019

1st Kid Talks: Hooray!!!

3rd Kid Talks: Honey, have you seen the earplugs?!

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 21, 2021

Me with first child: NO SCREEN TIME EVER NONE.
Me with second child: here's your bottle, and here's your paci and here's the remote enjoy kid

— Sabaa Tahir (@sabaatahir) April 26, 2019

1st child 1st birthday:

rent a venue, invite everyone and their mother, hire a musician, catering, an elaborate cake, gift unwrapping, goodie bags and a large credit card bill

2nd child 1st birthday:

an empty amazon box

— Douglas A. Boneparth (@dougboneparth) March 7, 2020

1st kid: OMG is that a tooth?? (researches age appropriate brush/paste, buys them immediately, takes pictures and posts to Facebook)

2nd kid: Oops, he has three teeth we should’ve been brushing. I’ll grab a brush next time I’m out.

3rd kid: These fall out anyway, right?

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) February 12, 2020

me to my first kid: OMG YOU’RE WALKING *tears* oh the places you will go

me to my second: yayyy rockstar!!

me to my third: whoa slow down there, what’s the rush lmao

me to my fourth: *discreetly knocks him over* dude I just sat down for the first time in a year, chill

— jo (@whatsJo) July 23, 2019

Pictures of 1st kid
📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸

Pictures of 2nd kid
📸📸📸📸📸

Pictures of any additional kids
🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

— Danielle Nicki (@DanielleNicki) February 23, 2022

1st kid: Height and weight carefully recorded monthly in baby book.

2nd kid: Growth recorded every once in a while on scraps of paper.

3rd kid: "Hey, where's MY growth chart?"
Me: "You grew. You're fine."

— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) January 20, 2023

1st kid: Everything is completely safe and the floor is padded.

2nd kid: Those crumbs are from yesterday, you're fine.

3rd kid: The cord isn't plugged, so you're good.

— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) April 8, 2021

1st kid: not allowed to eat anything that fell on or even went near the floor
2nd kid: 5 second rule
3rd kid: wandering around eating something they found in the garbage

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) August 11, 2021

Hearing a crash from your 1st kid: OMG are you OK?

Hearing a crash from your 2nd kid and beyond: OMG what did you do??!

— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) April 3, 2018

1st kid: 🎵 Please rinse your dish off ev-er-y time 👏 it’s a way to be so kind! 🎶

2nd+ kid: If you don’t thoroughly rinse that dish off before putting it in the sink I swear I will entirely erase the sensation of joy from your future life.

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) February 8, 2021