My 4 yo son, walking into my office, "Are you still working?"

"Yeah, bud."

"How many more buttons do you have to press?"

— RandomSprint (@RandomSprint) July 30, 2024

Took my daughter to Disney land and after spending an exhausting day doing rides and gift shops we asked her what her favorite part was and she said “the bus was pretty cool”. The bus ride. To get into the park. That was her favorite.

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 1, 2024

I'm just a 41 yo Dad standing in front of this card terminal with no idea if I'm supposed to slide, tap or insert.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 1, 2024

pretty crazy how if i tried even one thing that the olympic gymnasts do, i would die instantly

— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) August 1, 2024

Once you hit mid-life, you're assigned a potluck dish that will then be yours for all eternity, mine is buffalo chicken dip.

— Veruca's Alt (@AltVeruca) August 1, 2024

If laziness were an Olympic sport, I’d come in fourth so I wouldn’t have to walk up to the podium

— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) July 31, 2024

Midlife crisis sports cars are all fun and games until it’s time to get out of the vehicle.

— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) August 1, 2024

Watching the Olympics and my husband pointed out an athlete who looked a lot older than the others. Then they showed his age, and it was 38, the same as my husband, and we’ve all learned something here

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 31, 2024

Which wine pairs with ‘my child just passed their driving test and I will never sleep again’ ?

— Gemma 💫☕️ (@gemc888) August 2, 2024

Back in the 70s once you hit the age of 10, your parents basically considered you an adult.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) August 1, 2024

We have reached the point of our vacation with the kids where I think this will be our last vacation with the kids.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 29, 2024

How many rodeos is a good amount of rodeos before I know what I'm doing?

— Wisecracking Blonde (@RoobsC) July 31, 2024

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) July 28, 2024

*watching Olympic women's gymnastics*

Me: You've always gotta stick the landing.

*trips over own feet standing up from the couch and falls down*

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) July 28, 2024

One more week not killing my basil plant so I’m a farmer now

— eLeni (@eleniZarro) August 2, 2024

I talk a lot of shit for someone that gets anxious driving onto the track at an automatic carwash

— Midge (@mxmclain) August 2, 2024

‘Easy like Sunday morning’, is something people without kids say

— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) July 28, 2024