We must band together against the growing number of restaurants where fries do not come with the burgers but are instead a $3 - $8 side. There are limits to what the righteous consumer can take

— Lauren Larson (@lrnlrsn) May 20, 2024

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 20, 2024

The best way to save your money is to be in the house and lay down 😭🤣

— the guy with the green hair (@AlexJayeSINGER) May 19, 2024

My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 20, 2024

i dont like when ppl ask my hobbies because i listen to music and do nothing

— zy💭 (@zyyyski) May 19, 2024

Hear me out:
A separate line at coffee shops for folks who know exactly what they want.

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 20, 2024

I am no math wiz, but I know something about a common denominator.

— Yesterday Girl🎈 (@yesterdaygirly) May 20, 2024

Things I thought I would have as an adult: a thriving career, an amazing social life, an impressive retirement account.

Things I actually have as an adult: a plastic bag filled with plastic bags, a favorite spatula, crippling anxiety.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 25, 2019

My husband and I know the exact location of each other's keys but not our own.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) May 20, 2024

Gas pump: please see cashier.

Me: ok bye.

— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) February 22, 2024

There needs to be a parenting book called “What To Expect - The Teen Years” because this is some next level bullshit.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 20, 2024

It’s Firework Girl Summer — make dramatic entrances, get a little lit, have a blast, scare a few people, end the night with a bang, look shitty in pics even though you are beautiful!!!!

— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) May 19, 2024

I’m sad for the generation that doesn’t grow up watching The Price is Right on sick days.

— your other mom (@difficultpatty) May 20, 2024

I called to have a dumpster dropped off at my house for spring cleaning and said to the lady on the phone “is there anything you can’t put in there? Other than a body of course” and after the awkward silence I remembered dark humor isn’t for everyone

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 19, 2024

Old men love telling people what “that building used to be”

— Midge (@mxmclain) May 18, 2024

When you keep your tv volume on an unclean number like 17, it poisons the vibe in your whole house

— Ⓜ️ert (@mertcentury) May 19, 2024

My 6yo was upset this morning but refused to talk about it. As she was being dropped off at school, she decided to speak up by saying and I quote, “I go to school too much, and it bothers me.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 15, 2024