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#1
Kids should come with a “skip intro” button for their stories
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 8, 2022
#2
Why don’t they make a line of adult PEZ dispensers full of things like antacids and Advil?
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 4, 2024
#3
My pregnant neighbour asked my 8yo what she hopes she’s having, to which she responded “I really hope it’s a baby!”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 22, 2023
#4
A step-by-step guide to helping me in the kitchen:
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 25, 2024
1. Leave the kitchen
#5
My new neighbour is breaking the law by making noise every night after 11. Do I call the police for this or confront the newborn directly?
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 28, 2023
#6
Picked my kid up from a playdate at a pristine home and the mom said “excuse the mess” so I guess that’s the end of that friendship.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 15, 2023
#7
Thank you for teaching your kids to sit nicely in restaurants so I can point out to my kids how nicely other people’s kids can sit in restaurants.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 26, 2023
#8
My husband just threw out all the “crap” from my 8yo’s backpack without checking first. Pray for him.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 21, 2023
#9
There are people who refuse to eat food past their best before date and there are people who disregard it completely and they marry each other.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 13, 2023
#10
I’ve never committed a crime but I have changed my niece’s diaper in the public washroom while she screamed “YOU’RE NOT MY MOM”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 10, 2024
#11
The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 11, 2024
#12
Mr. Rogers led me to believe I’d like my neighbours way more than I do
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 1, 2024
#13
My husband woke up all chatty like he’s new here.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 13, 2023
#14
No one gaslights better than a toddler caught red-handed.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 24, 2023
#15
One minute you’re happily married and the next minute he’s cut open a resealable Costco-sized bag.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 17, 2024
#16
My 8yo singing Howareyouyeah instead of Hallelujah is the rewrite we all needed.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 13, 2024
#17
Childhood led me to believe that I’d receive a lot more praise for eating all my dinner.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 11, 2024
