Heavy is the hand that adds the garlic

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 28, 2024

I may not have any Olympic medals, but I do have a favorite stovetop burner, crippling anxiety and a plastic bag filled with 103 other plastic bags.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 28, 2024

My husband has been working from home for 6 weeks. I’ve learned that he basically gets paid to be in meetings. Speak in meetings, meet with other people about their last meeting, and have meetings to plan for the next meeting. 😬🥱😟

— Tshépi 🌿 M. (@TshepiMOfficial) July 31, 2024

When people give me directions and say ‘you can’t miss it’— Buddy you have no fucking idea of what I’m capable of

— LorazeKim ™ 🏴‍☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁 (@_KimberleyAnna) August 4, 2024

I need a farmers market that starts at noon

— Midge (@mxmclain) August 3, 2024

The alarm for school went off at 6am and one of my ten year olds yelled down the hall “THIS ISN’T GOOD FOR MY HEALTH!”

— Hanging with the raisin girls (@TheHappySlut1) August 5, 2024

The thing I'm looking forward to the most about getting home after a week visiting my husband's parents is being able to leave my glass of water out without worrying about it being emptied and put in the dishwasher any time I leave the room for a minute.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) August 4, 2024

Someone just randomly approached me for advice at the supermarket because “you look like you know what you’re doing with cheese” and I don’t think I’ve ever been more flattered.

— Joy Marie Clarkson ☀️ (@joynessthebrave) July 27, 2024

Adulting is getting excited about bulk trash pickup day.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) August 5, 2024

One more week not killing my basil plant so I’m a farmer now

— eLeni (@eleniZarro) August 2, 2024

My kid has a girl named Stacy on his baseball team, I’m excited to meet her mom and finally see what all the hype is about.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 5, 2024

**shaking a magic 8-ball**

Me: Will my vision ever get better?

Coconut:

— 𝕁. (@jtothet) August 4, 2024

coworker: you are so lucky that you don’t have kids

me: that’s not luck that’s on purpose

— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) July 28, 2024

A significant portion of adulthood is spent deleting screenshots you can’t remember why you took.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) August 5, 2024

I’m a woman and I hate throw pillows. Let it be known

— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) August 4, 2024

My card declined while buying a homeless a Burger king meal and he laughed at me. He said sit out here with me. Somebody will come through for us 😂

— Mitchelle Karoro (@KaroroMitchelle) July 30, 2024

People suck. I’m gonna go live in a forest and talk to animals like some crazed disney princess

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) August 4, 2024