I recorded my husband snoring and then played it back to hear it and he rolled over and said, “TURN THAT DOWN I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 26, 2018

I’ve been on a diet for 4.5 months and have dropped 30 pounds. Slow and steady but it’s working.

Husband, out of nowhere tonight, “Did you do something different with your hair?”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 14, 2022

Hubs and I both have the flu.

Only difference is I'm cleaning the kitchen and he's dying.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 15, 2017

One of the most important things you must decide upon cohabiting with a significant other is who is in charge of changing the air conditioning filter. My husband and I have been married for ten years. Turns out he thought that person was me.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 22, 2022

My husband left me on read and it’s been 22 minutes.

If he wanted a divorce he could have just asked me like a rational human being.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 1, 2019

My husband, the world’s most notorious non- morning person, set an alarm for 4am today. Early workout? No. Big day at the office? No. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s golf. Not to PLAY golf, mind you, he set an alarm for 4am to WATCH GOLF.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 14, 2022

My husband was folding his laundry and he pulled out black lace panties and looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I don’t know who these belong to I swear.” Which is a completely normal reaction from one divorce lawyer to another. Deny, deny, deny.

They were mine by the way.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 3, 2022

My husband chose this weekend to attempt to build a stone patio for his grill. Anyhoooo I’m just watching him destroy our backyard two days before an outdoor party we are throwing. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Perfectly. Fine.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 7, 2022

My husband is the weirdest Door Dash orderer. He waits until the delivery person is COMPLETELY gone out of the driveway before he opens the door to get the food. Watching him stand near the door waiting for them to leave is my favorite part of the entire experience.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 24, 2022

My husband wanted to get me a new wedding ring for a big birthday I have coming up. I told him absolutely not. It starts innocently with a ring upgrade and then before you know it you’re a joint Facebook page and vow renewal away from a divorce.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 26, 2022

I met a repairman at my house and I was alone so the first thing I did was take a picture of his truck with his license plate and sent to my husband.
H, “What is this?”
Me, “In case I’m murdered start here with this truck.”
H, “You have got to stop watching Dateline.”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 27, 2022

My husband bought me a new refrigerator today so don’t you dare tell me romance is dead.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 15, 2021

I had a very intense dream I was having an affair w/a famous Youtuber. I felt so guilty I woke up my husband and told him about said imaginary affair.

Husband took off his CPAP and said, “That guy? He’s not even hot.” Then put the CPAP back on and went back to sleep.

Marriage.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 15, 2020

I googled “how freaking long can it possibly take to play 18 holes of golf?” if you wanted to know how much trouble my husband is in tonight.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 13, 2020

The earliest dinner reservations we could get tonight was 9pm and my husband suggested we go get cheeseburgers around 6 to hold us over during this difficult time.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 22, 2019

I went to lunch with friends and saw my husband at the restaurant. I was going to say his name but he was staring at his phone so I watched him.
He was smiling.
He typed.

Then my phone dinged. And it was a video he forwarded of a dog wrestling a water hose. This is love.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 24, 2019