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#1
Happy 5 year anniversary to the photo frames sitting on the floor of my bedroom waiting to be hung up "when I get a minute".
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) September 24, 2022
#2
1st kid: Height and weight carefully recorded monthly in baby book.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) January 20, 2023
2nd kid: Growth recorded every once in a while on scraps of paper.
3rd kid: "Hey, where's MY growth chart?"
Me: "You grew. You're fine."
#3
Shoutout to everyone who grew up singing the wrong lyrics to songs because there was no Google to correct us. You are my people.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) January 19, 2023
#4
Just overheard my daughter calling upstairs to her teenage brother: "Can you come here and help me with something?"
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) January 13, 2023
My son: "I'm busy...ask Mom!"
My daughter: "No! I'm asking YOU. Mom does ENOUGH stuff around here."
And just like that, I have a favorite child.
#5
Ran into a friend at the store today:
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) November 3, 2022
Her: "I cut out sugar, wine, bought a new treadmill...I feel great!"
Me: "I just got $35 worth of Halloween candy for like $8. I feel pretty great, too."
#6
I can't believe we landed a rover on Mars, but my cereal boxes still don't have Ziploc closures.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) October 8, 2022
#7
Currently standing in front of my pantry eating a “temporary” snack while trying to decide on a more formal, permanent snack.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) October 5, 2022
#8
Accidentally stepping on my husband's foot: "Sorry."
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) September 26, 2022
Accidentally stepping on my dog's paw:
"Oh my God, I'm SO SORRY! Are you ok buddy?
I'm SO SO sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I LOVE you so much. You want a treat? You're the best boy, yes you are."
#9
Before you marry someone, build a piece of Ikea furniture together. If you can get through it without hurling "Vanskaplig cam lock nuts" at each other's heads, you're probably good to go.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) June 25, 2022
#10
Shoutout to everyone who has ever searched frantically for your phone...while talking on your phone.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) September 16, 2021
You are my people.
#11
Here’s to all the people who can’t do a geometry problem to save their life, but at least always know how to use the correct version of “your” and “you’re”.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) April 12, 2021
I see you. I feel you. I am you.
#12
Some people are impressed by expensive, designer labels. Me? I'm impressed by bargains. You're telling me you found that cute sweater on clearance for only 12 bucks? RESPECT.
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) February 5, 2023
#13
This is the best Amazon review I’ve ever seen. 😂 pic.twitter.com/8WI9izEt1s
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) October 18, 2022
#14
If your child isn't yelling, "That's NOT the way my teacher told us to do it!" and you're not yelling, "Well, that's the ONLY way I know how to do it!"...are you even helping them with their math homework?
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) October 12, 2022
#15
My husband, telling a story: 2 minutes, key points only
— I Might Be Funny (@imightbefunny1) September 28, 2022
Me, telling the same story:
18 minutes
47 insignificant details
11 backstories
5 off-topic side stories
3 “to make a long story short"
And at least one “Wait...where was I going with this again?”
