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#1
I can now hold $200 worth of groceries in one hand
— 🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉIΛ🇫🇷🇮🇹 (@kingtorc) July 1, 2024
#2
Leaving for the beach on Friday. Anyone know how to lose 20 pounds in four days?
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) June 30, 2024
#3
Why are men incapable of responding to two questions in a text at once
— sluts r us (@godsfavslut0) June 29, 2024
#4
Me before grocery shopping: healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 30, 2024
Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows???
#5
being a girl is a fun guessing game of why are my hormones making me act more insane than usual this week
— sarah (@heavenbrat) June 30, 2024
#6
Fear of missing out and also of being included
— L (@Ann_Hedonia1) June 30, 2024
#7
Let’s clean the house for our guests and pretend this is how we always live.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) June 30, 2024
#8
I’m so glad I pay for a million different streaming services and none of the movies I’m looking for are free.
— Stacey (@skittle624) June 23, 2024
#9
I love when I unsubscribe to an email and they say “we’re sorry to see you go”
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) June 29, 2024
umm…I never asked to be here
#10
If the prices are going to be like festival food, the grocery store needs to have live music and a fire eater.
— Adam (@YSylon) March 9, 2024
#11
buy a fitted sheet one size bigger than your mattress and start living your life
— Midge (@mxmclain) July 1, 2024
#12
My social battery is one of those cheap Dollar Store batteries
— Trey (@treydayway) June 28, 2024
#13
My life alert bracelet says “alcohol usually calms her down.”
— Darla (@ddsmidt) June 30, 2024
#14
Imagine DoorDash but you could send someone to give people the finger.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) June 30, 2024
#15
One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re taking a sip and saying, “That’s good water.”
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) June 30, 2024
