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#1
I'm gonna need y'all to stop making up new slang words I am exhausted
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) April 29, 2024
#2
therapist: you seem manic
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) April 29, 2024
me: well it is monday
#3
Just came across my wife’s tinder profile and she’s a liar.
— 🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉIΛ🇫🇷🇮🇹 (@kingtorc) April 25, 2024
She is not “fun to be around.”
#4
I’m actually really fun and outgoing when I’ve had nine hours of sleep, four meals, two snacks, tea, and am not required to wear real pants or have more than five minutes of social interaction.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 29, 2024
#5
In case you ever wanted to feel better about your housekeeping skills: my son just walked in and asked why I was making it smell like his birthday party. All I had done was mopped. Also, his birthday is in July.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) April 28, 2024
#6
In case you ever wanted to feel better about your housekeeping skills: my son just walked in and asked why I was making it smell like his birthday party. All I had done was mopped. Also, his birthday is in July.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) April 28, 2024
#7
I’m just a girl standing in front of my fridge hoping a cheesecake will appear
— Taco Biscuits (@bgschnikelfritz) April 29, 2024
#8
Do you panic that you’re choosing the wrong answer during an eye exam or are you normal.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 28, 2024
#9
Me: Did we get a bunch of new cups?
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 29, 2024
Wife: No. Our daughter brought them all down from her room.
#10
I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 28, 2024
#11
Every so often my wife sends me these cute texts like "Heyyy" and "Come upstairs, your kids clogged their toilet".
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 29, 2024
#12
In an unexpected turn of events yesterday, my husband tested the child locks on the car doors.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) April 28, 2024
“Laura, can you come and let me out?”
#13
Taylor Swift writes a 31 song album and I’m struggling to reply to an email at work for something I’m a subject matter expert on.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) April 29, 2024
#14
My 8 year old asked if I’d seen his water bottle and I said it was next to the couch. He started to walk off then paused and asked, “the couch for sitting or the couch for laundry?” and the accuracy of the question stung a little.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 29, 2024
#15
Parenting experts never warn you that one day you'll offer to let your son borrow one of your ties to match the suit he's wearing for prom and he'll respond by asking you if you have anything that's not from the 1900s
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) April 29, 2024
