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#1
Honestly, whenever I say “the other day” it could be anytime between two days ago and sometime in 1996
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) August 6, 2024
#2
Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) August 5, 2024
#3
There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.
— Heather (@heatherjs) August 5, 2024
#4
Sorry for what I said when it was like, super humid outside
— Brunette Bohemian (@Jane_Doe82) August 9, 2024
#5
I’ve had some terrible ideas but never “chili restaurant in an airport” bad pic.twitter.com/URNDA1CwVr
— Midge (@mxmclain) August 5, 2024
#6
Bought a new blanket that says hang outside to dry, ok calm down there Little House on the Prairie
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 11, 2024
#7
Our medical system is like yeah this is serious and should be treated immediately see you in 10 months.
— Stephanie Sparkles (@SSparklesDaily) August 4, 2024
#8
“Taco Bell isn’t even good” Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) August 5, 2024
#9
petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 10, 2024
#10
As a kid I used to be annoyed with my parents for being boring on Saturdays and just taking naps all afternoon but omg I get it now
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 10, 2024
#11
If I die choking on a gummy bear, just tell people I was killed by a bear and leave it at that.
— One Ordinary Girl (@audri_em) August 10, 2024
#12
i wouldn’t be single if some of you men studied the way gomez addams treats a woman.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) August 10, 2024
#13
I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast it had to be done by Elvis
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) August 10, 2024
#14
4:38 a.m.
— Blonde Musings 🇺🇸 (@musings_blonde) August 2, 2024
“Hi mom. Would you like to cuddle in your bed or mine?”
~My 5 year-old, in the confident voice of a waiter asking if I want salad or soup with my meal
#15
Me, picking my son up from zillion dollar camp: “What was the best part of your day?”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) July 22, 2024
Him: “When you took us to the car wash”
#16
