Just showed my toddler how to make purple Gatorade by mixing red and blue and he goes “that’s not real purple, though, it’s just mixed up red and blue” so good luck to his Kindergarten teachers.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 2, 2023

My six year old is watching a YouTube video about a topic that I happen to have a lot of interest in, and I asked him if he knew that I love this topic. He said, "I don't really know you that much" sir I -

— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) April 15, 2023

Sleep when the baby sleeps, scream when the baby screams.

— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) April 20, 2023

Smartest thing I ever did was have two kids. They are currently asking each other to ‘watch this’ while in the pool. This shit is finally paying off

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 21, 2023

Some tough news: I've discovered my daughter got confused by the word "editor" and instead tells people that her mom is a predator.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 3, 2023

Imagine your life revolving solely around a napping and snacking schedule and still being mad all the time.

Get it together, toddlers.

— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) April 18, 2023

I make a mortgage-sized payment monthly to send my kid to preschool. Today, I have to pick him up early so they can close to then reopen an hour later for an art show where I can pay a second time to buy art my kid made while I paid for him to be there.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 19, 2023

All right, Little boxes of Fruit Loops!

-My kids walking into a $27.99 per person resort breakfast buffet.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 1, 2023

If you’re over 50 and go into a bounce house, you deserve whatever injury you’re about to get.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 3, 2023

Me: Ohhhh sweetie, you have....

My teen: OMG! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!

Me, now whispering: ...your leggings on inside out, but please... go live your life.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2023

Open floor plans are all cute until you need baby gates😮‍💨

— brittany packnett cunningham (she/her). (@MsPackyetti) May 4, 2023

There’s a brewery right next to my kid’s karate class. I propose we combine these two businesses — call it ‘Hops n Chops’.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) May 3, 2023

So last night my 2yo called me into his room. As I was laying next to him he slowly pointed his finger to the ceiling and whispered "right there" then reached over and grabbed my hand like he was terrified.

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) May 1, 2023

My kid: *does something cute*

Me: That's great, sweetie, now please can you do it again in a cleaner part of the house so I can take a photo?

— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) March 30, 2023

I don’t have a favorite child but if you were to go by the photos on my phone it’s the dog.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 26, 2023