Some nights when my kids can’t go to sleep I do a meditation to help them relax and some nights I tell them to get their ass in bed before I lose it and that is motherhood in a nutshell.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 21, 2023

I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that our new broom came with instructions or that my husband is actually reading them

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 18, 2023

The lady in front of me at checkout had a bunch of hand-clipped coupons and paid with a check and it was pretty fun spending 45 minutes in 1984.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 20, 2023

Me: *spent all week driving my kids to soccer, play dates, swim, dance…*

My kids: how come we never get to do anything fun

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 20, 2023

Marriage is just asking each other “What was that?” every time you hear a noise in the house for the rest of your life

— McDad (no blue check) (@mcdadstuff) April 20, 2023

The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 19, 2023

I make a mortgage-sized payment monthly to send my kid to preschool. Today, I have to pick him up early so they can close to then reopen an hour later for an art show where I can pay a second time to buy art my kid made while I paid for him to be there.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 19, 2023

Husband on a work trip: We went to this amazing sushi restaurant. You’d love it.
Me juggling work, kid, and dog; who’s barely had the time to eat or sit: Don’t come home.

— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) April 19, 2023

Imagine your life revolving solely around a napping and snacking schedule and still being mad all the time.

Get it together, toddlers.

— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) April 18, 2023

My son said my stomach looks like a sad muffin.

We laughed and laughed and I hope he enjoys his new foster home

— PieGuy (@ilovepie84) April 17, 2023

How about Little Debbie makes full-sized cakes called “It’s Deborah Actually, Thanks” I think she’s earned it

— Lord Hugh Mungus (@PoodleSnarf) April 18, 2023

My daughter picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could ask me why I locked the bathroom door.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 21, 2023

The reaction I get from my 8 yo when I take his band-aid off is equal to a scene in walking dead where a person is getting bit and having flesh torn away from their neck.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 18, 2023