Just did my own taxes, I should be in prison by march

— EK 😮‍💨 (@_ayannaE) January 21, 2024

when a girl says “5 mins” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter and both teams have all their timeouts

— poppa (@popitforpoppa) January 21, 2024

starting a rewatching ur
new show comfort show
for the 15th time pic.twitter.com/pfbfCJlKjq

— ☔ (@Whotfismick) January 22, 2024

Times have really changed cause the Girl Scouts are now “link in bio” girlies. What happened to being in the field?

— Funny Glam Girl. (@b0mbchell_) January 19, 2024

why is it still January. i’ve lived several lives this month

— samantha (@milkygoddess) January 28, 2024

Married people give the best advice, they be like "don't ever get married"

— The Prophet 🧎🏿 (@theprophetdub) January 29, 2024

I always thought my attitude was so cute until I started raising a replica of myself.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 23, 2024

Adulting involves using the phone’s flashlight a lot more than I had anticipated

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 19, 2024

If the person responsible for taking all the teaspoons in the house could return them to the drawer by lunchtime, nothing more will be said about it.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) January 17, 2024

There are two kinds of women, ones who own Stanley cups and ones who don’t understand the ones who own Stanley cups

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 14, 2024

At least the first 6 months of January is almost over.

— WhatserName (@IamEveryDayPpl) January 17, 2024

One minute you’re happily married and the next minute he’s cut open a resealable Costco-sized bag.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 17, 2024

There’s literally nothing I look forward to more, all day long, than getting back into my bed at night.

— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) January 28, 2024