Someday you’re gonna miss this.

I gave him my full attention yesterday, last night, and five minutes ago. Is it selfish of me to want some uninterrupted time to (insert: anything I want)?

Is that too much to ask?

I’m currently overwhelmed by everything my child is telling me to do or not do. That, in addition to all other adult duties I’m required to accomplish: finding glimpses of me-time and attempting to maintain a healthy relationship with my husband.

I’m curious. I don’t know where some people get their motivation, or the smiles they put on their social media feeds.

The days are long, but the years are short.

We’re supposed to appreciate every. single. second. of every. single. day.

And yet, I don’t.

The Short Years

When I imagine the day my son leaves this house, it makes me sad. It makes me want to soak up all the little moments and the big moments too. I think that’s how you feel regardless of how you spend the years.

The big moments are easier to remember, like his first step or, his first day of school. It’s those pesky little ones that get away from me if I don’t make a mental note of them.

Like when I taught my son the art of dunking his Oreo in milk just long enough to get the perfect soak, yet not too long to lose the bottom of the cookie. I’m proud of teaching him such a valuable and necessary, yet underrated life skill. He may not remember it, but I will.

We spend each night having conversations in his bed. We lay close and talk about our days. If I’m lucky, I get out of there without an elbow or knee to the face. Each night he asks me to read him a book and I respond with: “a short one.”

I end up reading the book he chooses regardless of its length.

Those are the moments I’ll miss, and I think I’m a good mom for recognizing them now.

We Tried To Have a Second Child

We tried for two years, and we had no luck. We moved on, and I’m starting to feel like we made the right choice. I’ll admit I always thought it was the right choice but there were moments when I questioned myself.

I think it’s irresponsible to make a big decision without questioning it. I think you should explore your other options and ponder the what-ifs. My husband would disagree.

I’m happy we have one child for several reasons. Some are more obvious than others. To me, it seems easier to savor the moment and appreciate our precious (short) time together.

I’m happy that we need to buy one child a plane ticket if we decide to go on vacation. When we’re at an arcade (because we’re arcade people) I feel comfortable spending forty dollars for a slinky and a sticky hand that we’ll lose on the ride home. Because it’s about experiences, right?

I’m thankful that when I’ve reached my mothering limit I can say “here” and pass him off to his grandma for the weekend. If we had two or more children, this wouldn’t be as easy.

I’m also happy to have some sort of life independent of my son….ps I’m still waiting for this. And honestly, I’m excited about it.

I daydream about the moment that he’ll want to hang out in his room and not be bothered by me and for the day when he won’t need me to get a cheese stick from the refrigerator that is only ten steps to his right.

“Maybe when he’s 10,” I think. “Maybe then he’ll finally make his own toast.”

Truthfully, I envision myself making him toast until the day he leaves me.

But I don’t mind.

Selfish and Selfless

Being a Parent Means Loving Your Children More Than You Love Yourself

What kind of mom would I be if I didn’t love myself first? What would I teach my son about self-love and self-care if I didn’t put myself first? I’d get to my breaking point much sooner, and I wouldn’t be very pleasant to be around.

I’m selfish but not at the expense of others. I teach my son the importance of putting himself first. I want him to know that the opinions of others don’t matter because he is the one who lives his life.

The mottos of motherhood are meaningless to me.

They make me question if I’m doing the right thing and cause me to feel bad when I put my needs first. That’s not OK. I’m the one who knows what’s best for my child, and I know he’s lucky to have me.

‍