My husband and I make a good team. I'm about to start cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and he's taking the batteries out of the smoke detectors.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) November 23, 2016

Me: I want to let you know I’m hosting Thanksgiving this year.

Fire department: Got it.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 17, 2022

I gonna need extra strength mashed potatoes this year

— Midge (@mxmclain) November 16, 2022

If I ever wondered if I was a good cook or a bad cook:

My mom asked me to bring cash for Thanksgiving to help reimburse the grocery bill. Not sweet potato soufflé or macaroni and cheese or even ice. Cash.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 24, 2021

Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 11, 2022

Do other people’s Thanksgivings operate the way my house did where dinner might be ready any time between 3pm and 9:30pm and the people cooking get very angry if you ask

— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) November 23, 2020

turkey tastes like it never drank water while alive

— BILL NYE THO (parody) (@Bill_Nye_Tho) November 18, 2022

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 20, 2022

Got a pretty nice interest rate on my family’s Thanksgiving turkey.

— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) November 20, 2022

Shoutout to everyone forcing their families to live on PB&Js all week because ALL THE FOOD IS FOR THANKSGIVING DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT

— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) November 21, 2018

Me on thanksgiving all glammed up sitting in the living room 😂💀 https://t.co/OIbFAB9aZM

— 𝓔 🪞✨ (@elizabeth_veee) November 17, 2019

if you ever hate yourself just remember that last year i hosted thanksgiving for my family and i told them to park in the wrong spot and every single persons car got towed

— Danya (@dxxnya) November 13, 2019

If you are going to someone's house for Thanksgiving, compliment their baseboards. That is what they are spending this weekend cleaning.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 16, 2019

Thanksgiving Pro Tip:
Never eat any food offered to you by an adorable toddler relative. It might look like a cookie, or piece of candy, but it’s actually the flu.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 22, 2017

I love Thanksgiving. Can't wait to slave for hours over a meal my kids will rudely reject in front of relatives who are judging my parenting

— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) November 16, 2016

THANKSGIVING: I'm thankful for this beautiful world we live in
BLACK FRIDAY: *beats an old lady to death with a 42" Vizio LCD Smart TV*

— matt (@dogfather) November 28, 2015

I asked my husband to add some things that we needed for Thanksgiving to the shopping list. When I got to the store I realized he’d just written ‘Thanksgiving Stuff’ and if that doesn’t perfectly sum up marriage then I don’t know what does.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 18, 2021

My favorite thanksgiving tradition is going to the grocery store and avoiding eye contact with someone I went to elementary school with

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) November 24, 2019

What is the age cap on leaving Thanksgiving early and blaming it on your kids needing a nap?

Asking for me.

— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) November 24, 2019

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) November 14, 2018

Friend: What are you going to make for Thanksgiving?
Me: Probably a scene.

— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) November 15, 2016

I don't start my holiday shopping until after Thanksgiving when I find out which family members I am still on good terms with.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 25, 2015

No one in my family takes me seriously when I ask them how many potato courses there will be at Thanksgiving.

— Marissa 💚🦃💛 (@michimama75) November 20, 2022