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#1
40% of my wife and I's conversations go like this:
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 4, 2022
me: what?
wife: i was talking to the dog
#2
Marriage is sometimes apologizing for stuff you did in your wife's dream
— Nostradadmus (@bigpoppadrunk) September 18, 2022
#3
Me: Is it weird that I-
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2022
Wife: Yes.
Me: You didn't let me finish.
Wife: Everything you do is weird.
#4
How dare my husband interrupt the story I decided to tell in the middle of his story
— 🤷🏼♀️Mommeh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) September 29, 2022
#5
Marriage involves a lot more shouting “I’M IN THE BATHROOM” than I originally thought.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 19, 2022
#6
My wife makes us put $5 in the "find jar" every time we make her find something we can't locate in the house.
— Michael James (@MikeJamesAuthor) October 17, 2022
After 13 months of saving, today we are buying a Ford Explorer
#7
I'm taking my husband to Urgent Care because he broke his toe, but we're not dragging any kids with us so this counts as a date.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 18, 2022
#8
Why would I be scared of monsters when I’ve experienced my husband using every dish in the kitchen to make one meal
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 23, 2022
#9
My husband just told me that I was right and...
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) October 26, 2022
... I don't know what else he said because I stopped listening after he said that I was right.
#10
My husband proactively apologized for whatever he did in my dream last night. He’s winning at marriage.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) October 29, 2022
#11
A horror movie but it’s just me telling my husband what I spent at the hair salon
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 25, 2022
#12
I took a picture of my kids in a crowded pumpkin patch and screamed out “that’s the money shot!” my husband hasn’t stopped laughing, another dad explained that I should Google it, and my kids want to know why all the grownups are staring at me
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 23, 2022
#13
My husband just asked me if I was okay going to Target by myself like we've never met
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 23, 2022
#14
I came home to a clean house thanks to my husband. I don’t know where this is going but I hope it eventually leads us to the bedroom installing that new light fixture I got.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 20, 2022
#15
I used to think it was weird my mom never came with us on family camping trips but just now my husband introduced me to the portable shower bag he bought for our trip so anyways cool story I have the house to myself next weekend.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 18, 2022